Moving on Ain't so Easy
by Aki and Tenshi
Summary: How do you move on when you have lost the most important person in your life... after tragedy strikes Luke and Rory face the emotional pain of Lorelai's death. Post Patings AU. Lit and onesided JJ. Character death. New Sum, Same Story.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary-** Post Partings AU. Lore never made it to Chris'. After tragedy strikes Luke can't hold on, but Rory can't let go. Onesided JJ, eventual Lit.

**Moving on Ain't so Easy**

Chapter 1

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control  
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain  
From my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry

– Keith Urban "Tonight I Want to Cry"

It was a beautiful day, a great day. The sky was blue, the sun was shining, and the birds were singing. It was all wrong. It should have been overcast, cloudy, and dark. It should have been raining and the only sound the thunder crashing in the sky.

A large group, all dressed drably in black, surrounded a stone in the middle of green grass.

Richard Gilmore stood stiffly with an arm around his wife's, Emily's, shoulder. She had on a brave face, but if anyone watched her closely, they would see her dabbing impending tears that welled up in her eyes with a lacey handkerchief before they fell. Various occupants stood mournfully around, faces down cast.

All the crowd was silent expect for the unyielding sobs of Rory Gilmore. Her boyfriend, Logan, held her up by with an arm wrapped around her waist.

The reverend finished his prayer and the casket was lowered into the ground. It seemed to take forever, painfully forever. The only sounds, beside Rory's uncontrolled sobs, was the ironic chirping of birds.

Rory continued to weep aloud, making some almost flinch at the sight and sound of her. Of her cries, her tears, her pain. She was makeup-less, her eyes were red and puffy her hair lank.

The crowd began to disperse.

"Come on, Richard. We have to be at the house to welcome the guests," said Emily with the slightest waver in her tone.

Soon, only few were left. Rory collapsed to her knees on the ground, breath hitching in front of the grave stone which read:

Lorelai Victoria Gilmore

Beloved Daughter, Mother,

Fiance, and Friend

October 1968- June 2006.

Logan stood silently behind her, helpless. He glanced uncomfortably at Lane who nodded. The two lifted Rory to her feet and lead her to his car.

Only Luke remained. Throughout the service, ever since the accident, he had been impassive, detached. Emotions were beyond him. Neither tears nor screams could display the pain he felt inside.

He stood there, as a statue, just staring at the gravestone, trying to understand, trying to accept, trying to make it reality.

Luke was the last one to arrive at the wake. It was quiet, too quiet. Not how it should have been. This house, her house, used to be filled with the sounds of talking, laughter, music, and movies.

Lorelei wouldn't have wanted to have caused this. She would have wanted then to be happy remembering all the good times they had had together. The only tears should have been ones of laughter because of all the crazy things Lorelai had done in her life.

But no one dared speaking. No one dared joking. No one dared laughing. No one dared even crying because at the sight of Rory, they didn't think they had the right to.

Rory had already retired to her room and if you stood next to her door you could here the dieing sniffles.

Luke stood just inside the doorway, observing, but not daring to enter, at the risk of receiving a thousand condolences. So there he stood, neither in nor out. Neither in the kitchen nor the living room.

The guests left shortly after, Emily bidding them farewell at the door as they did. It was just too tense, too quiet, too daring. Luke evaded them by entering the kitchen.

Rory's room was silent now. Luke opened the door a crack to peer in. She was asleep. Luke had always heard that the sleeping were supposed to look peaceful, even angelic. Rory didn't. To Luke, she looked tortured. She must have cried herself to sleep.

Luke closed the door as Emily entered the kitchen. She began cleaning up.

"This place is such a mess," she complained. "There is no way I can finish it tonight, I'll have to hire someone tomorrow.

He glanced up at Luke, He was giving her an odd look that said, 'Is that all you care about right now?'

The Gilmore woman interpreted his look correctly. She sat down in a chair and sighed shakily.

"I didn't agree with most of the things Lorelai did," said Emily, staring at a random point on the table before her, "But that is because I wanted the best for her…she deserved the best. No matter how many times we fought I never, not even for a moment, stopped loving her."

A silence feel in the room. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, but nor was it peaceful. It was just a silence.

"Richard's probably done fetching the car," She said, her tone gaining back it's previous strength as she stood.

"Emily," said Luke, as she was halfway out of the room. She turned to him. "Don't forget," he said, "To let yourself cry."

Luke wasn't sure how it happened, but Emily was now sobbing into his shoulder.

"No mother should ever have to bury her child," she cried.

In that moment Luke Danes and Emily Gilmore finally understood each other. Maybe understood was the wrong word. It was more like they were at peace with each other. The two people that had torn Lorelai apart. They knew they were sharing the same pain.

They were in agreement that nothing would ever be the same again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

You're gonna fly with every dream you chase  
You're gonna cry but know that that's okay  
Sometimes life's not fair but if you hang in there  
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good  
We just have to believe things work out like they should  
Life has no guarantees but always loved by me  
You're gonna be  
- Reba MacEntire, "You're Gonna Be."

Surprising most of the residents of Star's Hollow, the open sign hung clearly on door of Luke's Diner the next morning. Some had already made other plans and ignored it, others intently avoided it, while a few others reluctantly entered.

The diner was quiet, somber, even with half the tables filled. The diner just lacked its usual spirit. It's zesty spirit. It was gone.

Like how their was no whispers of town gossip. No arguments occurring with Taylor. No complaints about Caesar's slow cooking. No explanations about the various negative ramifications certain unhealthy foods would have on ones body. No quarrels. No laughter. And most noticeably, no Lorelai.

It was the first day since she passed away that the diner had been open. If one watched Luke closely you would see him glance every so often at the empty stool were Lorelai usually sat. You could see how his hand would tense every time he picked up the coffee pot to serve a customer.

One could taste a difference in the food too. It wasn't post Luke-Lorelai breakup bad, burnt food and mixed up orders, but it wasn't the same. It was mixing that extra something that made okay food, great food.

"Caesar, I'm running an errand," Luke called as he put on his coat and walked out the diner's door.

Even though he could have walked to their house, like the many times they had walked to his diner, he drove. It was easier to avoid people that way. After he parked he rushed into the house, knowing that any moment delayed outside could lead him to be ambushed by Babette. He opened the front door without knocking.

Rory was sitting on the living room couch, knees tucked up under her chin dressed in sweat pants and a t-shirt her hair up in a messy ponytail. She was staring, almost blankly, at the television.

Luke knocked on the doorway. Rory turned around to see him.

"Hey, Luke," she said weakly.

He gave Rory a half grin. "I brought you lunch. Thought you might be hungry."

"Thanks," replied Rory hoarsely before turning back to the TV. The little light in her eyes that had sparked at the appearance of Luke diminished. "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I found it when I was flipping through the channels. It was one of Mom and mine's favorites."

Luke wasn't sure what to say. He watched a scene of the old movie play out on the television screen for a few moments. It _was_ one of Lorelai's many favorites.

"Well, I'll just put it here for when you're ready," said Luke, setting two Luke's Diner bags on the coffee table in front of Rory.

"Thanks again," replied Rory again staring blankly at the TV, this time as though she wasn't actually seeing it.

Luke turned to leave, but paused. He turned around and placed a hand on Rory's shoulder.

"I know what it's like to lose a mother…It's gonna be okay."

Rory looked up at Luke, silent tears running down her face and whispered hoarsely, "I wish I could believe you."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_There's a rain that'll  
Never stop falling  
There's a wall that I've tried to  
Take down  
What I should've said  
Just wouldn't pass my lips  
So I held back and now we've  
Come to this  
And it's too late now --_

_What do I do now that you're gone  
No back up plan, no second chance  
And no one else to blame  
All I can hear in the silence  
That remains  
Are the words I couldn't say_

_Are the words I couldn't say  
I should have found a way  
To tell you how I felt  
Now the only one I'm tellin' is myself  
-Rascal Flatts, "Words I Couldn't Say"_

The sky was dark. The lights were dimmed. The diner was empty. His back was to the door as he wiped down the counter.

The bell on the door jingled as it opened and closed.

"We're closed," said Luke in monotone, not even looking to see who it was.

"Can't you make an exception for family, Uncle Luke?"

"Jess," Luke said, turning to face his nephew, surprised.

"Came as soon as I heard," said Jess grimly with no further explaining.

Luke understood. "Really?" he asked, slightly skeptical. Lorelai had died five days ago.

"Well, Lizzie's never been known as the great communicator," shrugged Jess, dropping a duffel bag on the floor.

"You staying?" questioned Luke.

"Thought you could use a hand for a little while."

"You in trouble?"

"How little faith you have in me," commented Jess in mock seriousness before adding, "I can't imagine what you going through, so I'm here to help at the diner and throw out people you don't like and scare off the pestering locals…"

"So you're really here to help?"

"I can't believe you ever doubted my intentions," replied Jess, leaning on the counter next to Luke. He exhaled loudly before saying slowly, carefully, "I don't have much perspective or anything, but if you ever need to talk…"

"Thanks," said Luke, clamping Jess's shoulder. "You've always got a room here.

"That's good." Jess retrieved his bag and made his way to the stairway before pausing at the bottom, "You know I'm keeping my tips, right?"

Luke waved him off half-heartedly, choosing to ignore his nephew and continue wiping down the counter.

A few minutes later Luke went up to his apartment to find Jess reclining in an armchair, reading a book and sipping a beer.

"Make yourself at home," muttered Luke under his breath. Jess heard, but didn't reply. Luke got his own beer from the refrigerator and sat down in the arm chair next to Jess, exhausted.

"Is it hard?" asked Jess after a long moment of silence. It was a simple question, with no explanation needed for Luke to know what his nephew was asking, but vague enough so he could avoid answering if he wished.

"I keep thinking," replied Luke slowly, "That she is going to walk through that door any second, laughing. Teasing me for actually believing she was gone." Luke paused and then added more to himself than Jess, "But even if she was alive, she wouldn't be coming here."

Jess's eyes narrowed, "Talk."

Luke took a swig from his bottle. "It's my fault she's dead."

"How do you figure?"

"That night...we had a fight, a break up fight. She walked away, and I didn't go after her. If I had handled differently, if I hadn't done all the things to hurt her in the last few months to make her have to fight…she wouldn't have been in that car and she wouldn't have been in the accident."

"Luke," said Jess quietly, leaning forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees, "You don't know that. Maybe she wouldn't have stopped anyway. Maybe you would have been in the car with her. Maybe everything would have turned out fine and you would be married and have kids and start a family band who traveled the country in a trailer.

"Jess-"

"But you can't keep living in a world of maybe's! Because that will only make it hurt worse."

Luke sighed and closed his eyes, leaning against the headrest as he spoke. "All Lorelai wanted was to get married, but I couldn't even give her that. I was so wrapped up in my own life that I didn't see that I was tearing her apart inside…Jess," Luke explained in desperation, "The last thing I did was break her heart. How can I live with myself?

Luke looked at Jess as though he could reveal some sort of epiphany to him. Now Jess had no experience with death, but he did know a little about what it was like to destroy the girl you loved.

"You just," the younger man half shrugged his shoulders, trying to find the right words. "You just take it one day at a time and… hope it gets better."

"Does that work?"

Jess commented dryly, "Hope so."

Neither had anything else to say, because what can you say when you don't know what to do or even what to think. So they sat in silence, turned on the TV, though neither really watched it, and finished their beers.

"This sucks," commented Jess after a while. Luke said nothing, but he full heartedly agreed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Aki- **Just so you wonderful readers and reviewers know, I will probably try to update this story once a week, usually around the wekkend (because that is when I have time to write), no promises though. Also I have a C2 for one-shots. If you would like to make a suggestion or like to join the staff even, contact me is the review or an emial. Thanks.

**Chapter 4**

_This is your life, are you who you want to be?_

_This is your life, are you who you want to be?_

_This is your life, is it everything you dreamed_

_That it would be when the world was younger,_

_And you had everything to lose?_

- Switchfoot, "This is Your Life"

"Order up," yelled Luke from the kitchen. Jess swiftly went behind the counter to take the plates to their table. It seemed the whole town was overcompensating from the time the diner was closed or when they had avoided it from the days previous. Unfortunately Lane had the morning off and Caesar was out sick and consequently the diner was as hectic as… a really hectic diner.

Jess came back into the kitchen a few minutes later looking harassed, having been annoyed by Kirk and hit on by Miss Patty in the same trip. "I'm not going back out there," he said with all seriousness, scowling.

"Jess-"

"Until you kick them all out," he continued

"Jess-" repeated Luke with increasing aggravation.

"I won't do it!"  
"Jess!...Will you make a delivery?"

"Oh, can I?" said Jess with sarcasm.

"Come on, it will get you away from these people you don't like and then Lane will be coming in, so you can take a break."

"Okay," agreed Jess snatching the bags out of Luke's hands. "Where to?"

"Um." On second thought, maybe Luke hadn't thought this out all the way through. Maybe he had only suggested that Jess go because he hadn't wanted to. "Rory," answered Luke hesitantly.

"Ah."

"At their house."

"Okay."

"Are you sure?"

"I fine Luke, jeez," Jess said, irritated. Rory and him had been on semi-good terms last time they had seen at each other. And if anyone was to be mad at the other, it would be him at her. Of course Luke didn't know that.

So before his uncle could protest again, Jess exited the kitchen, followed by the diner. He decided to walk, it wasn't far, and, as a plus, it meant he would be away from the diner longer. No tried to talk to him, he still had a reputation in this town.

Jess got uncharacteristically nervous as he approached the familiar house. He guessed he hadn't anticipated what it would be like to see Rory again, especially after her mother and best friend had just died. And if Luke had been an indication of the pain of it all, she would be pretty bad off.

Jess rang the bell. After no one came for a few minutes, he tested the door. Unlocked, per usual.

He entered slowly, as not to frighten anyone. He glanced about the living room. No one was there. He went into the kitchen and there she was, sitting at the table, head in her hands, her face hidden by her unwashed, unbrushed, and loose hair. She was wearing a dingy old sweatshirt and pajama bottoms.

Jess cleared his throat to get her attention. She looked up at him and a look of surprised passed across her face, but that was nothing compared to what Jess felt. Her face was thinner than he remembered and her color was gone. She looked utterly exhausted with dark circles under her eyes. And her eyes, well, they lacked their usual sparkle. Her whole appearance, with her chapped lips, chewed fingernails, and unsmiling mouth made her look so… Jess hadn't expected her to look so completely…destroyed.

"Hey," said Jess, finally choking out a word.

"Hey," Rory replied quietly, as least she still had a voice. "I didn't know you were in town."

"Got in late last night. I'm helping Luke out."

"Because off…" she didn't finish.

Jess nodded.

"That's nice," Rory replied. Not bitterly. Not sarcastically. Not hopefully. Just factually.

"Was that full?" asked Jess, changing the subject, pointing at the almost empty coffee pot on the table.

"I haven't gotten much sleep lately," said Rory, a little defensively.

"You should eat." Jess sat down at the table across the table, uninvited, and set down the food.

"I not hungry right now," said Rory, sitting up straighter and tucked her long hair behind her ears and over her shoulders.

"Come on," teased Jess pulling out the food of the bags, "You know reheated fries suck."

The smallest of grin appeared on Rory's face for the shortest of seconds in remembrance. "You're right," she replied, picking up a fry and eating it slowly. "Can you make some more coffee?"

"No way," refused Jess, getting up and walking over to the frig, "You've had too much already." He pulled out a gallon and of milk.

"I don't know how long that has been in there," commented Rory as Jess was pouring. He sipped from his glass.

"It's fine."

The two sat their in silence, making a comment every now and then. Jess wasn't really hungry, but he ate as to encourage Rory, who, though her appetite grew a little, he was sure would stop eating as soon as he left.

"How's school?" asked Jess later, thinking it a safe subject.

"I missed a class or two," replied Rory, not really thinking.

"You're not giving up though, right?" asked Jess conversationally.

"I don't know," mumbled Rory in reply.

"You can't give up. You don't want that."

Rory looked at him strangely, "I don't know what I want anymore."

"But come on. You love to learn-"

"Jess," said Rory harshly, surprising him. "Look at me," she said voice rising, Look at me! I'm a mess! I don't know what I'm doing anymore." Rory was now edging on hysteria. "Look at this," she yelled spreading her arms out to indicate the house. It wasn't any different, but Jess knew she was indicating to the absence of her mother.

"I'm so lost," cried Rory, voice cracking and tears now brimming down her cheeks. She hid her face in her hands.

Jess sat still in his seat from a moment, shocked. He hadn't meant to cause this.

He wasn't sure what to do but he got up and kneeled next to Rory's chair. "I'm sorry. Please stop crying. Try to calm down."

Rory breath was hitching from her sobs, but she calmed herself. "No, I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm not mad at you."

Jess nodded, but said nothing.

"It's just that everything right now is…"

"Ror," said Jess quietly, putting his own hand on hers where they rested on the table, for some reason unknown. He wasn't quite sure what to say. "You love school and learning and living…Lorelai wouldn't want you to give that up just because she's gone."

Rory nodded, teary-eyed, "I know you're right. It's just I feel guilty at even the thought of moving on and pretending it will be okay…I'm sorry. I shouldn't be laying all my pathetic problems on you."

"It's fine." Jess glanced up at the clock, "I better get back. Luke will skin me alive for being away this long."

"Okay," agreed Rory, again a faint smile on her lips.

Jess was halfway out of the kitchen when Rory called after him.

"Jess?"

"Yeah?" Jess asked, turning to her.

"I'll see you again, right?" she asked hopefully. Jess looked at her and suddenly, for that moment, she was not twenty-some, trendy Rory who went to Yale. She wasn't rich boyfriend, penthouse apartment, Portia Rory. She wasn't DAR Rory. She was a teenager, young and innocent and hopeful. She was Stars Hollow Rory with a quick wit and big ambitions. She wasn't jaded yet.

"You will," answered Jess simply.

Not much later that day, when a lull filled the diner and Luke left a disgruntled Jess in charge, the older man went to what his late fiancé called 'the crap shack.' He had made a habit of visiting everyday.

"Rory?" called Luke as he entered the house.

Rory came out of her bedroom wearing khaki Capri pants and a light purple blouse, her hair up in a neat ponytail and a little bit of make-up on her face.

"I've got class," answered Rory to his unasked question.

She looked nervous. She looked unsure. She even looked a little scared to go back and face the world. But she also looked a little determined.

--------------------

This isn't the end of Rory angst. She has much more to go.


	5. Chapter 5

**Aki- **So, I actually updated the Sunday before Labor Day, and it said this chapter was up when I logged in, but it never actually showed up on the site and I finally have time to try and fix it. So this should have gotten to you last week, but it didn't.

**Chapter 5**

Looking in your eyes  
Hoping they won't cry  
And even if you do  
I'll be in bed so close to you  
Hold you through the night  
And you'll be unaware  
But if you need me I'll be there

Yeah I got you  
Oh to make me feel stronger  
When the days are rough and an hour seems much longer  
Yeah when I got you to make me feel better  
When the nights are long they'll be easier together

**- **McFly, "I've Got You."

"So where is he?" asked Jess, wiping off the tables with a rag so that they could close the dinner for the night.

"Who?" questioned Luke, counting the receipts, not sure of what his nephew was asking.

"Her boyfriend," answered Jess with slight resentment in his voice.

"Oh, Logan? He's in London."

"London?" repeated Jess, confused.

"Working for his father."

Jess said nothing, but his jaw visibly tensed. Luke knew what he was thinking. He was thinking the same thing. He shouldn't be their right now. Luke didn't care what excuses or obligations Logan had, he should have been here, with his mourning girlfriend he claimed he loved.

"Anything else?" asked Jess as he finished put all the chairs up on the tables.

"No, I can finish up," replied Luke, expected Jess to go upstairs, but instead he grabbed his jacket and went outside.

Jess walked to the Gilmore house and entered without knocking. It was four days after Jess had encouraged Rory to go back to school.

"Hey," said Jess getting Rory's attention.

"Hey," she replied with a hint of a smile from her position on the couch where she was working on her laptop. Even though Rory had returned to school and work, she never remained their over night, for some reason Jess didn't know.

"What you working on?" asked Jess, sitting down next to her on the couch.

"Just stuff for school," replied Rory, closing the laptop. It was how it was for them now. They never talked about their past or relationships or even the sort of weird, indefinable friendship thing they had formed now. They just talked.

Jess knew she needed it. Someone to sympathize. Someone to just chat with. And not some town busy-body. It all reality it should have been Luke. Rory and him should have been dealing with this pain together, but ever since Luke had shared with Jess that he blamed himself for Lorelai's death, he had been closed off to everything and everyone.

And for some reason Jess now found himself feeling responsible for them both, but especially her. He didn't know when or why or how it happened… He didn't owe her anything. But he couldn't leave her because he knew deep down that, the little support that he could give her was all she had right now. Without him, she would fall back to the state she was in when she found her, maybe even worse.

"So what _boring _thing did they brainwash you into believing today?"

"First of all, the American schooling system isn't trying to brainwash us, and second, it was actually quite interesting…"

Though Jess wouldn't admit it to himself, he kind of enjoyed it too.

**The next afternoon…**

When Rory entered Luke's dinner after returned from the school paper, all eyes were on her. Most hadn't seen her since the funeral and though she had been going to New Haven, she hadn't been going out much in Stars Hollow.

"Hey Luke," said Rory quietly, sitting down at the counter, the whole the dinner listening in.

"Hi, Rory," greeted Luke. His visits had become less frequent, shorter, and quieter. "Coffee?"

"Doughnut too, please."

Luke filled her order. Rory sipped the coffee and then chuckled weakly to herself.

"Remember the time," she started, "That Mom wanted to take on the whole doughnut tray and you didn't think that she could do it? But she did. You told her that she sicken you and that she was going to die by age forty…"

Luke said nothing.

"Kind of ironic, isn't it?" whispered Rory more to herself than Luke.

"Rory…" said Luke is a sort of warning tone.

"What?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," Luke muttered.

"Why not?" asked Rory forcefully. "It's better than mopping around and never talking about her again. She deserves to be remembered."

"It hurts too much to remember!" shouted Luke. If the diner hadn't already been silent, it would have been now.

Rory's face contorted in silent angry. "How dare you," said Rory in a harsh whisper, voice quickly rising. "How dare you think that you are the only one that is hurting. I have known her a lot longer. I was a lot closer to her than you ever were and ever would have been! So don't you dare think you are the only one that's in pain. Don't you dare think that you are the only one with the right to decide when to remember. Don't you dare think you were only one that is missing her!"

And with that Rory stormed out of the dinner. All of customers eyes followed her out and then snapped back to Luke who was standing behind the counter, dumbfounded.

"Idiot," muttered Jess from the stairwell, glaring at Luke. He made to go after Rory, but Luke caught his nephew arm and stopped him.

"What did I do?" he asked.

Jess looked at his uncle like he couldn't believe his stupidity. "Well, first of all, you yelled at her. You yelled at Rory for God's sake! And second, despite how cliché this sounds, it's what you haven't done. Rory needs someone to lean on, to talk to. I've been trying. I really have, but I can only do so much. I can support and encourage, and soothe, which you should be doing by the way. I can't reminisce with her. I'd be like, 'Hey remember when Lorelai yelled at me for the tenth time, that was a doozie.'"

Jess wrenched his arm away from Luke. "Maybe if you weren't wrapped up in your own problems so much, you would realize that Rory was trying to connect with you. Now excuse me while I go clean up your messes." Luke stared after Jess as he left, knowing, though not admitting, that he was right.

Jess found Rory in her bedroom, angry tears smudging her mascara.

Jess sat down next to her on her bed, putting an arm around her shoulder "Remember the time Lorelai tried to take on the whole doughnut platter…?

Rory chuckled, though it sounded half like a sob. "I think I recall that a bit…" Jess really _was_ trying.


	6. Chapter 6

**Aki-** Because the last chapter should have been up a week ago I wrote this one this weekend and thought it would be better tpo post it now insteed of saveing it. Don't expect all my updates this fast. They are usually only once a week apart.

A few reviweners asked about where Chris was. Okay, assume he was at the funeral. Second, he is not going to be in the story alot. He might pop up once or twice, but he is not important (The sotry is mostly about Rory, Luke, and Jess), but I am not going to make him a total jerk either.

-----

**Chapter 6**

_I don't stop breathing every time the phone rings  
My heart don't race when someones at my door  
I've almost given up thinkin' your ever gonna call  
I don't believe in magic anymore. _

I just don't lie awake at night  
Asking God would get you off my mind  
It's getting better all the time  
It's getting better all the time.

Yeah, I got to work on time again this morning  
This old job is all that I got to live  
And no one even noticed I'd been crying  
At least I don't have whisky on my breath.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna make it  
'Cause God won't make a mountain I can't climb  
It's getting better all the time  
It's getting better all the time.  
- Brookes N' Dunn, "It's getting better all the time"

Luke closed up the dinner all by himself. Jess had not returned yet. Luke had half a mind to go to the house and apologize to Rory, but every time he thought he would, he froze up. He never even made it out the door. He couldn't, for some reason he wasn't sure why of yet.

Luke entered his apartment and flipped on the light. The sight was so depressing that Luke had an urge to turn it back off. Random articles of clothes were draped here and there, dirty dishes were piled up in the sink, empty beer bottles sat on the floor beside the lazboys untouched.

Luke went over to the kitchen and opened the frig. It was practically empty except for half a case of beer and several leftovers so old that he wasn't sure what meal they were from. Luke slammed the refrigerator shut without getting anything out and instead crashed in his chair. He flipped through the channels on the television, but there was nothing on, so he turned it off and just sat there.

No matter how hard he tried, Luke couldn't get his fight with Rory off his mind. He hadn't meant to totally explode on her. He hadn't meant to yell. But he just…he didn't even know what he did or why he did it.

The last few days he had been living in a void where nothing could touch him. No emotions, no memories…no pain. But when Rory had come in so scared of the world, yet determined and started talking about Lorelai… It all came back and hit him so hard he had no self control.

Luke reached over to the phone. He could call Rory, say sorry, explain to her what happened and that he wasn't mad at her. But that would be a lie.

Luke released his grip on the phone and leaned back in his chair. He was mad at Rory, though that's not why he shouted at her, but he was. It was stupid. It was crazy. She had done nothing wrong…except try to move on with her life.

Sure, Luke was running his business still, but that was expected of him, and he was staying in his own environment. The diner was his home. But Rory…Classes, work, school paper, eating out …reminiscing, smiles, laughter, even though they were usually weak and sad. She was still perusing her goals, chasing her dreams, following her plans, but everything Luke had hoped for from the future had died the moment he got that fateful phone call.

Luke glanced at the phone again, but made no more for it. No, he couldn't call Rory. Why? Because he was afraid. Afraid of admitting all these things to her, afraid of breaking down, afraid of tears, afraid of sadness, afraid of lying, afraid of losing it, afraid of remembering, afraid of forgetting, afraid of hurting, afraid of…

Luke suddenly realized what he was afraid of most. He understood now why he had hidden himself in a state of nothing and apathy for the last several days, ever since he admitted to Jess that he blamed himself for Lorelai's death. Ever since he said that Lorelai would never walk through that door again.

Luke was afraid of facing the truth. He was afraid of admitting that Lorelai was never coming back. Everything led back to that. He wished so much that any second Lorelai would be coming through the diner door. But she wouldn't be. She would never call again. Never tease him again. Never kiss him again. Never smile at him again. Even yell at him again.

Never again would she sicken him by her eating habits. Never again would pop a joke or chime in with some obscure reference about music or a television show. Never again would she drag him to a movie that he didn't want to see.

He wasn't going to get married. He wasn't going to have more children. He wasn't going to have someone to grow old with. He would never love anyone else again.

For the first time since Lorelai died Luke cried. He had seen Emily cry. He had seen Rory cry. Their was not any sobbing for him, just silent tears running down his face.

He hadn't cried before because he had been to hard inside, refusing to believe it was true. He had finally accepted it now…Lorelai was really gone.

Before he always thought that it couldn't be true. That she would come back. It hurt to know that every time the phone rang, every time the door creaked open, every time a tall woman with dark hair walked by…that it wasn't going to be her.

She was gone and _never_ coming back…and that was Luke's biggest fear.


	7. Chapter 7

**Aki­- **Thanks for all the reviews. Just note that this is the same day that the last two chapter have been.

**Chapter 7**

_Sleep now_

_Dream- for the ones who came before_

_They are calling_

_From across a distant shore_

_Why do you weep?_

_What are these tears upon your face?_

_Soon you will see_

_All of your fears have passed away_

_And you'll be here in my arm_

_Just sleeping_

"Into the West" performed by Annie Lennox

Rory pulled out a stack of photo albums and was lying on her stomach on her bed next to Jess flipping through the pages, pointing out pictures and adding commentary. 'This is my first day of school. I didn't know it then, but it made Mom cry.' Or 'This is my eighth birthday part…the police shut it down.' Or even 'The Halloween of ninety-nine, I'd rather not go into that story.'

Jess watched Rory carefully as they went through the memories. There was a glow about her she had not had recently. She was happy doing this. Going through books and books of photographs, living in the past and pretending everything was okay. It was false, but it was good.

"What's this?" asked Jess, pointing to a more recent picture of Rory in a red shit with hair in a braid with a black plastic bag slung over her shoulder.

"That's my first day a Yale before we left the house. Mom wanted a picture of me heading off."  
"It looks like you are taking out the garbage," commented Jess with a teasing smirk.

"Yeah, that what Mom said…"

Rory glanced at Jess and caught his eye for a second before dropping it away. Jess stared at, for the first time in these hours of reminiscing she looked hurt. Jess found it hard to believe for a second how miserable Rory still continued to be. He realized he never had anyone in his life that he was as close to as Rory was close to Lorelai. Not Liz. Not Jimmy. Not Luke. He had no one that he considered his best friend, he could tell anything…not even her. Even from her, he hid himself.

Rory closed the photo album in front of her with a snap, pulling Jess out of his thoughts.

"Let's watch a movie," said Rory, confusing Jess with her sudden change of interest and the artificial lightness in her voice.

"A movie?" questioned Jess.

"Please?" said Rory in a whiney tone.

"Okay, what do you want to watch?"

"Something we have in the house. I don't feel like going out."

"Or you too lazy to."

Rory stood up from the bed and said in a dignified way, "I will close to ignore that comment." She walked out of the room. Jess let himself grin before getting up and following.

When he got in the living room Rory was putting a disk in the DVD player.

"What are we watching?"

"You'll just have to wait and see," replied Rory. Jess sat down on the couch, Rory sat next to him.

Jess groaned when a picture showed up on the screen. "The Return of the King. That takes forever."

"Nuh-ah….only like four hours."

"Well," said Jess fumbling for words, "I haven't seen the other two, so we can't watch it."

"If you haven't seen the other two, then how did you know what the movie was so fast and that is was so long?" asked Rory logically in a mother-ish way.

"People talk," retorted Jess.

"Well, you've read the book before, right? You'll catch up," commented Rory with a nonchalant wave of her hand. "And if you really get confused, I'll pause it and explain what is happening. That should only add about an hour to the viewing time."

Jess growled but conceded, "Just press play woman."

"With pleasure," said Rory with a triumphant smile, picking up the remote.

It wasn't until the part where Merry and Pippin were dancing o the table on Rohan that Jess realized how closed Rory was sitting. When the Arwen scenes came, Jess was sure she had moved even closer. It was near the middle of the siege of Gondor that Rory innocently rested her head on Jess's shoulder. Jess kept a watch on Rory out of the corner of his eye as though expecting her any second to realize watch she was doing and rectify it, but she didn't. So, when the Rohirrim showed up at the Pelennor fields, Jess slowly put his arm around Rory's shoulder. And somehow, following this pattern, by the end of the movie Rory was practically lying on Jess. Her head resting on his chest and his arms wrapped gently, yet firmly around her.

Part way through the credits Rory lazy lifted the remote and turned off the movie. She pushed herself up on the couch and turned just enough to look Jess in the eye. Jess was sure she was going to tell him that this was all just a friend thing. But she didn't say anything. She was thinking about something. After a moment Rory leaned in and kissed him. It was a simple, quick, chaste kiss, so sudden and fast that Jess didn't do anything.

Rory sank back into her previous position and sighed.

"Stay with me 'till I fall asleep," requested Rory.

"Okay," Jess agreed in a whisper, tightening his hold on Rory. He knew he was going to stay much longer.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_Was I too close for comfort?_

_You pushing me out,_

_When I wanted in?_

-McFly, "Too Close For Comfort"

"Get in late last night?" Luke asked Jess the next morning as they opened for the breakfast crowd. Luke knew the answer, having not been able to get to sleep and hearing Jess come in around three.

Jess gave his uncle a look, but didn't answer before walked off to deal with some customers. Luke guessed Jess was still pissed at him about last night…And Jess's mind seemed to be somewhere else. He kept looking up at the door as though expecting someone, and Luke could guess who.

But she didn't come. The hour came and went, so did the next.

"On break," said Jess shortly, tossing down a dish towel and going up to the apartment without another word when the traditional mid morning lull commenced.

Jess lounged on the couch, trying to read a book to get his mind off anything, one of his many defense mechanisms that became habit a long time ago in his childhood.

It didn't work. Jess tossed the book lightly away and leaned his head back, staring up at the ceiling, thinking. After a moment he shook his head and retrieved his cell phone and dialed in a familiar number.

"Hey…"

Meanwhile, Luke was downstairs, manning the diner by himself. He sat absentmindedly behind the counter for there wasn't much to do. The only costumer was Kirk sitting by himself at a table in the center of the diner with remains of a breakfast before him, drinking coffee, totally mooching off of the re-fill policy. Luke ignored him, but hey, what else was new.

But the more Luke thought about it, the more it scared him. Kirk was just sitting their, like so many days before. Like nothing was wrong, nothing was different. It surprised Luke that so much. Everything in his life had been changed in a second…., but the world was still the same. Star's Hollow, despite how empty it seemed to him now, still functioned. Without Lorelai, life still moved on. He couldn't quite understand it, but it did.

And that was a scary thought.

It was the early afternoon. Rory turned on her phone as she exited class and was immediately met with the annoying beep that told her she had voicemail. Her first instinct was to ignore it, which she had gotten into the habit of ignoring the phone over the last week or so. After a moment of consideration though she decided it might be something into and made her way to the corner of the Yale courtyard and hit the play button, holding her phone to her ear.

"Hey Rory, it's your father," began the first message. "You haven't returned any of my calls and I'm worried about you. Seriously, if you need anything, call me. If you need extra cash or…or if you want to talk… Well, I'm here. Bye."

Rory felt a little guilty for blowing off her dad lately, knowing this loss was hard on him too. Yet, they already had not the greatest relationship and she did not have the nerve or the will to test that at the moment. Plus, there were very few people that she could connect with right now.

"Ace, it's me," Rory was met with Logan's voice as the second message played. "I guess I missed you. The time difference and this work and meetings over here are throwing me a bit. Caught you next time. Love you."

Rory recalled how terrible and useless she felt the days leading up to Logan leaving. That was nothing compared to how terrible and useless she felt after her mom died. Rory could imagine what if her mother never got in the accident and how Rory would have loved every minute that she had with Logan on the phone. That world seemed so distant from her now. It seemed so unreal. She wished he could be here for her. Do something for her, but he couldn't.

The next message was not one she expected and the voice did make her heart skip a beat, "Hey Rory, it's Jess, if you hadn't figured it out from my voice already, but…to the point,…not that I called you for a point, but anyway. You didn't show up at the diner this morning and I was just, you know, worried… or something. Okay, see you later."

Rory grinned a small grin at Jess's message and the rambling incompletlessness. It was probably the most sincere of the voicemail because he wasn't trying to act like he had it all together like the others had.

Last night, she hadn't known what had come over her. Sometimes she convinced herself it was just a way to say thank you, but sometimes she really thought it was something more. Either way, Jess had become important to her lately. He was the only one who could help her on her feet. That realization though made Rory feel anxious.

She deleted the three messages, though she hesitated before deleting the third.

She drove back to Stars Hollow that evening. When she pulled into the driveway and got out of a car she was surprised to see someone waiting for her. Jess stood up from where he was sitting on the front porch steps, hands in his jacket pockets.

"Hey," he said as she approached.

"Hi, Jess…What are you doing here?"

"Well, you didn't show up at the diner today or answer my call. I came over to check on you."

"Well, you didn't have to. I'm fine," said Rory. Her tone was too casual, too laid back, too cheerful. She went past Jess and unlocked the door and walked in the house. He followed her into her room.

"What are you doing?" asked Jess as he watched Rory scurry around her room collecting this and that.

"I needed to pick up some things," answered Rory, never even looking at him as she slide a stack of folders off of her desk into her bag.

"For what?"

"Classes and the paper. I swear, I'm gone two weeks and everyone turns into chickens running around with their heads cut off. It is such a mess. I have so much to do."

"Where are you going?" inquired Jess as Rory brushed lightly past him out of her bedroom.

"Paris is letting me stay over. I have an early day tomorrow."

"Okay," said Jess, unsure.

"I have really got to get going. Places to be, things to do…Lock up for me will you?" Rory said hurriedly as she went out the door.

"Sure," the door banged shut before Jess could finished, "Thing." He heard Rory's car start and pull out onto the road. She had just totally blown him off. She hadn't been mean about it or anything, but she did.

I was all wrong though. The last few days, Rory had used Jess for support, but now she was pretending he didn't exist. She was pushed him out. Something had changed. Jess knew it.

* * *

Aki- Just wait. I am going somewhere with this all. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Aki-** This is more of a Luke chapter, but trust me, we will be getting to Jess and Rory in good time. Also I manage a C2 for amazing oneshots, if thier is one you have written or read that you would like to recommend, drop the title and author in a review or e-mail. (Thier are no restrictions to ships or style except 'no slash'.)

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 9**

_After you,_

_Things will never be the same._

_But then again,_

_After you_

_Everything is still the same._

-Jimmy Wayne, "After You"

Luke noticed Jess had been acting weird. Jess wasn't mad at him, or at last not showing it. Luke knew how Jess acted when Jess was mad at him, he was all too familiar with that. Jess was upset or confused or thinking about something else. Not that it was on the top of Luke's mind, he had too much else to worry about, but Jess had been like that for several days now.

"Refill?" Luke asked one of the customers at the counter. The elderly gentleman nodded and Luke poured, emptying the coffee pot. He stared at for a moment in thought. Wow, even without Lorelai around, the coffee still ran out.

A laughing teenage couple entered the diner. The girl had long reddish brown hair pulled up into a loose ponytail and the brunette boy was in a baggy t-shirt and jeans. And for some reason Luke found unfathomable, they were wearing matching black t-shirts with some band logo on them.

Luke observed them for a moment, it was strange that people could still laugh without Lorelai around.

Luke went over too where the couple was sitting at a small table in the corner to get their orders. The boy whispered something to the girl with a wicked smile on his face and the girl was renewed in her laughter. 'Huh,' Luke thought, 'People can still smile without Lorelai around too.'

"Can I get you anything?" asked Luke in routine way.

"Um," stated the redhead, flipping through the menu. "Can I get a giant stack of chocolate chip pancakes and a coke, large."

The boy wrinkled his nose at her.

"What?" she asked keenly.

"First, that is a gross combination. Second, more caffeine? If you get any hyperer then you will probably die."

"Hyperer isn't a word, _and_," said the girl dramatically, "Hyperness never hurt anybody."

"Is hyperness a word?" questioned the boy incredulously.

"Yes, it is," replied the girl in a shock of mock seriousness.

"I am so pulling out the scrabble dictionary when I get home…Man, are you okay?" The two teenagers we looking at Luke with concern. His face had paled and his hands were shaking slightly. He shook his head to clear his thoughts.

"I'm fine," he said in hollow voice. He rushed away from the table, threw the order pad to Caesar (more like at Caesar, but whatever) and ran halfway up the staircase to his apartment and sat down on the steps.

He rested his elbows on his denim clad knees and his chin on his fists, thinking.

Without Lorelai, people could still laugh.

Without Lorelai, people could still joke.

Without Lorelai, People still ordered strange and unhealthy amounts of food and other people still got grossed out from it.

Without Lorelai the sun rose and set, the Dragonfly Inn ran, Star's Hollow still stood, and customers still frequented the diner. Lorelai was gone and the apocalypse hadn't come. Without Lorelai life moved on, so why couldn't he?

Luke sat there for a while without moving. Time just wasn't relevant to him anymore. What after may have been hours Caesar poked his head in the stairwell.

"Uh, Luke, my shift's over, so are you going to come down here or do you want me to close early?"

"Oh, um," Luke stumbled over his thoughts and words, "I'll be down in a few minutes, cover me a little longer."

"O-kay."

Jess had lain on the couch reading in Luke's apartment most of the afternoon as Luke's actual hired employees were working. At one point he thought he heard someone coming up the steps, but nothing ever came from it.

Early evening Luke burst into the apartment, but Jess only spared him half a glance before turning back to his book, _The Catcher in the Rye_. Luke tossed a ring of keys onto Jess's chest, who lifted it up with one finger and raised his eyebrows in a wordless question.

"You're closing," stated Luke shortly before promptly leaving the apartment. A few moments later Jess heard the sound of a car engine starting, which he assumed was Luke's truck, and it fading out as it drove away.

Jess grumbled to himself as he stood up from his rather comfortable position and slammed his book down unceremoniously on the coffee table. It was not long later the last customer left and even though it was a _little_ early than Luke's usually shut down, Jess flipped the sign from opened to close on the front door anyway.

He turned off the lights as to not drawl the attention of townsfolk who might want to get in and started the nightly clean up. He retrieved a rag from the kitchen and wiped off all the table tops and began putting up the chairs. As he did so he heard a knock on the door behind him. Damn it, couldn't anyone in this town read.

Jess turned around to tell whoever was standing at the door, probably Kirk, to go away and get a life, but instead was struck silent by surprise. Rory, a girl who he had barely seen or talked to over the last week, was standing outside. Jess took a few steps forward to see her better. A few strands of her hair were stuck on the wetness of her face, wetness from tears. Her eyes were red and mascara was smeared beneath them.

Jess rushed the door and fumbled with the keys. He finally unlocked it and beckoned her in. "Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

She shook her head not really looking at him, "No, nothing has been more wrong."

* * *

Aki- It is approximately 19 days since Lorelai died 


	10. Chapter 10

**Aki-** I have wanted to right this chapter so much. The last two have been setting up for this one!

**Chapter 10**

'_Yesterday, you asked me something I thought you knew.  
So I told you with a smile 'It's all about you'  
Then you whispered in my ear and you told me to,  
Say 'If you make my life worthwhile, it's all about you'_

-McFly, 'It's all about you.'

_Jess rushed the door and fumbled with the keys. He finally unlocked it and beckoned her in. "Are you okay?" he asked worriedly._

_She shook her head not really looking at him, "No, nothing has been more wrong." _

Jess placed a hand in the middle of Rory's back and lead her farther into the diner, making her sit down one of the chairs he hadn't put away yet, before pulling up another chair for him and sitting across from her.

"What's happened?" asked Jess. Rory stared at the hands in her lap and didn't answer.

Jess leaned down so he was closer to her, trying to catch her eye. "Come on, Ror, What's happened?" She looked up at him, new tears running down her face.

"What hasn't happened!" she exclaimed quietly, almost hysterical. "Mom's dead, and Luke and me don't even talk…Paris-,"

"What about Paris?"

"She said I was depressing to be around. _Paris, _said _I _was depressing to be around."

"The tables are turned, huh?"

"And then there is work and school and the newspaper…"

"What's wrong with those?" asked Jess, unsure.

"I got laid off," Rory sobbed, feeling both angry and pathetic. "They said that I should 'take some time,'" Rory spit put those words spitefully. "And then my advisor has been practically forcing me to drop some courses."

"So?"

"I'll never graduate in time now and then I am basically getting kicked out of the as Yale editor…I mean. I was informally asked to resign so that they don't have to kick me out disgracefully or something."

Jess observed Rory, silent tears flowed down her face, her arms were wrapped about her stomach protectively, but he looked past that. She was makeup-less, and even though her eyes were puffy, she looked beautiful without any makeup obscuring her natural freckles. And the clothes she was wearing, a pale blue sweater and a blue , knee-length, floral skirt, were not super take-on the world Rory, they were simple Star's Hollow, big dreams Rory.

"I thought….I thought," said Jess uncertain and carefully, "That you were doing good in those things lately. I mean, you have barely stayed in Star's Hollow at all the last few days and when you were here you were always busy.

She shook her head morosely. "No, I was doing horribly. I can hardly write, my thoughts just can't come out on paper anymore. I'm so indecisive. I don't know what I think or how I fell or how to act…I have just been trying to keep busy so I don't have to think about it."

"Think about what?" Jess asked, generally curious and interesting. Things seemed to be making a whole bunch more sense.

"Everything. Mom, Luke, what my life has come to…you."

"Me?"

"If Mom hadn't died, you wouldn't be here… If Mom hadn't died, I wouldn't be falling apart, and you wouldn't be the one putting me back together." Rory looked up and two's eyes meet. Blue and Brown.

"So I started trying to go back to my busy life because I didn't have to depend on anyone, but my whole life I depended on my Mom and now she is not here and it seems you have taken her place."

Jess said nothing.

"Don't know why I'm saying this, I better go." Rory stood up and attempted to take a step towards the door, but stumbled, putting her hand to her head as though dizzy.

"No, you don't," admonished Jess, taking hold of Rory's shoulders and leading her towards the apartment steps. "You're going to lie down were I can keep an eye on you."

"Well you seem to have a slight fever," Explained Jess, sitting down next to Rory, who was wrapped up in a quilt, on the couch a good fifteen minutes later.

Rory, who was now a considerable amount calmer, raised her eyebrows. "I would have never pegged Jess Mariano as a doctor type."

He shrugged, "When Liz wasn't at her most…maternal, I learned how to take care of myself.

Rory nodded in acceptance of the explanation. She drew up her bare feet off the floor, her shoes having been abandoned a while ago. She pulled her knees against her chest, cocooning everything but her head under the blanket.  
"Your turn," she whispered.

"What?" Jess asked, confused.

"I just made a fool out of myself down there, pouring out my heart. It's your turn. Spill."

Jess held back a chuckle. "What do you want me to tell?"

Rory gave a have shrug, "Something honest, something funny, that will make me smile."

Jess leaned his head back on head rest in thought for a moment before a tiny grin came to his face.

"You have to promise not to tell this to anyone else," demanded Jess, turning to Rory.

"I will hold it in the highest confidence," she reassured him.

"Okay, remember that time I got that shiner that we had that big fight over."

"Of course."

"I didn't get it from a football," Jess admitted slowly.

"Or from a fight with Dean," Rory added wittily

"Or from a fight with Dean…I got it from a swan."

"Excuse me?"

"I was at the bridge and a swan just came up and …beaked me."

"And you didn't provoke it in anyway?" asked Rory skeptically.

"Nope," answered Jess, shaking his head.

Rory leaned back into the couch, "That is the best thing I have heard in a long, long time."

"Yeah, yeah, but you can't tell anyone about it."

"I shouldn't have ever promised," complained Rory teasingly.

"Your turn now," quipped Jess in reply.

"What?"

"I said something, now you say something."

"I said the something that inspired this whole thing."

"Yeah, but we hadn't started the game yet so it doesn't count."

"What game!"

"This game…," explained Jess, calming down, "This honesty game."

Rory gave him a scrutinizing look and then sighed to herself in resignation. "Okay, just give me a minute to think of something." Rory rolled her eyes upward as though staring at the ceiling before nodding to herself and turning to Jess. "I retried Hemmingway, and he is not half bad."

"No kidding," chuckled Jess with a grin.

"Yeah, now don't you have something to say about another certain author?" implied Rory with her eyebrows raised pointedly.

"Nah," Jess said shaking his head, "Rand still sucks."

Rory stuck her tongue out at him. Jess ignored her. And the night went on like that. Except an hour or two later, Rory was Jess were cuddled together on the couch.

"Okay, um," Jess said in sleepy tone, "My favorite ice cream flavor is strawberry."

Rory giggled, "You like pink ice cream."

"Get over it, you again."

Rory turned serious, all sense of humor disappeared from her face. "I broke up with Logan," she said somberly. Jess said nothing. In fact, the only way she knew he heard was because she felt his arm tense were it laid across her shoulders.

After a moment of silence Rory turned her head to Jess, "Can I ask you a question?"

Jess nodded.

"Why are you here?"

Jess didn't know what she meant, but he didn't have to voice that before she started explaining.

"I mean, I know you came here for Luke once you heard the bad news. But it has been awhile, and almost everything is back to normal, why aren't you back in Philadelphia yet."

Jess looked Rory in the eyes are gave her an incredulously look. "Don't you know?"

Rory looked away, slightly uncomfortable.

"Can I ask you a question?" asked Jess.

"It's only fair," replied Rory, still evading his piercing eyes.

"Why did you kiss me?" he asked.

Rory was silent before asking, "You mean the first time?"

"Rory," Jess muttered, but she ignored him as she tried to evade the question.

"Well I had a crush and it was at a wedding so I was feeling all romantic and…," Rory paused, her tone became more sincere as she turned to Jess, "And when I looked into your eyes, even though you didn't say it, I knew you had come back for me."

"And this time, just recently" asked Jess in a whisper.

Rory started deeply into his eyes before answering earnestly, "Basically for the same reason."


	11. Chapter 11

**Aki- **Sorry this took so long to update, but I have been too busy to finish writing it and then when I did get down to it, it got much longer than I had planned for it to be, but I am happy with it. I have been building up to this point in the story. Oh yeah, this is a Luke chapter.

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Chapter 11**

_I've lived in this place and I know all the faces  
Each one is different but they're always the same  
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it  
They'll never allow me to change  
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong  
I'm movin' on_

- "I'm Moving On" Rascall Flatts_  
_

When Jess woke up the next morning his back ached, something he was sure he was years to young for. As he observed his surrounds, he realized he could blame it on sleeping on the couch. He stood up and stretching, noticing he was wearing the same clothes as the day before.

Jess heard the sound of running of water- the sink?- coming from the bathroom. Jess assumed it was Luke but when he glanced to the man's bed and saw it was still made he recalled that his uncle never came home last night. Then is had to be-

"Rory," Jess said, in an odd sort odd greeting as she opened the bathroom door.

"Hey," she aid with a small smile. Her clothes were wrinkled and her hair was messy.

Neither was sure how to act. Both had spilled many secrets last night, but what should they do with them? Pretend they never heard them and return to the one-sided the hurt one and comforter routine? Or were they to make something of it?

Rory spoke, breaking the awkward silence, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lay all that stuff on you last night."

"It was fine."

"No, it wasn't. You help on back on my feet, then I avoid you, and then all the sudden I'm back… I just didn't have anywhere else to go."

"Well, thanks," it was half a sarcastic joke, half a sarcastic hurt.

Rory took a step forward, her hands clenched together nervously, "I didn't mean it like that."

"I know," said Jess, trying to shrug it off.

"It's just…thanks." Rory gave him a little grin.

"Anytime," he replied simply with his own hint of a grin.

"I've got to," she pointed towards the door.

"Okay."

She started to leave, but turned around before she opened the door. "See you around, Jess." And then she quietly exited.

Jess had only nodded in answer to her goodbye, but this time he knew she meant it.

Luke parked his truck in front of the diner nine-thirty that morning. He was tired, he hadn't slept. He slowly, and unsteadily, got of the car and walked into the open diner, in which there were a few customers, and Jess standing behind the counter with a smirk on his face.

"You know, club hopping all night is not a healthy habit, Uncle Luke," said Jess, almost too seriously.

Luke glared at him and came behind the counter.

"Care to share?" questioned Jess, this time slightly more sincerely. For some reason Jess couldn't be completely serious, he was too, what, giddy feeling to be serious. Although he would never admit to being giddy.

"I'm going to bed, mind the place will you?" said Luke, not answering Jess's question, before going to the steps and slowly lumbering up.

Jess followed him with his eyes. Something was up.

To Luke it only seemed that he had just closed his eyes when a pillow hit him the face, awaking him. Luke narrowly opened his eyes, glaring at his nephew.

"Don't you have a diner to look after?" questioned Luke, rolling over, hoping to fall back asleep.

"Caesar and Lane are handling it."

"Caesar and Lane's shifts don't start till mid-afternoon," Luke mumbled.

"It _is_ mid-afternoon," replied Jess with a mocking edge to his tone.

Luke leaned up on his elbow to look at his clock to confirm what Jess said was true. It was, unless Jess went out of his way to reset the clock, which seemed like an awful lot of trouble, even for Jess, to go through just to annoyingly awake his uncle.

"Lemme go back to sleep," Luke mumbled, attempting to make Jess give up and go away.

"No," said Jess, standing next to the bed with his arms crossed "Not until you tell me where you were last night."

"Why do you care?" Luke asked, hoping his nephew would give it up.

_"I care_," said Jess, emphasizing it, "Because, this is so not like you to disappear and not run your diner. You've been shutting yourself in ever since we talked like the first night I got here."

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"That's my point, you haven't talked about it…come on, if you tell me where you went, I'll leave you alone."

"Promise?" Luke questioned skeptically.

"Promise," agreed Jess, wanting to roll his eyes.

"I went everywhere that was anywhere."

"Can be any more vague, please!"

Luke sighed in resignation, "I went everywhere that made me think of her."

Jess said nothing.

"I went the Sniffy's, that's where we had our first date, and I know I must have sat in Dragonfly Inn's parking lot for at least an hour. I even went to the Independence Inn, it's hardly at all recognizable…" Luke trailed off, these were only a few. There had been another million little places he had passed by that sparked some significant memory. He recalled driving past the bush where their kiss had been interrupted by the Cider Mill festival parade. Or just places that reminded him of things she had once said. The library, the movie theater, the park. It had been all so overwhelming it seemed that he had just glided through that evening, having no real destination to start with and finding everything important.

Luke looked up at his nephew, whose once stubborn stance had somewhat weakened. There was an undistinguishable expression on his face. It was no longer angry, or determined, or even humorous. It was…sad. Jess felt sad, for him!

Luke looked away, suddenly very awake. "You…You don't have to give me your sympathy. I get that enough from everyone else."

"It's not just sympathy," said Jess, sitting down next to his uncle on the bed. "I kinda understand why you have been acting this way now…Not that it's justified," Jess shrugged one shoulder, "But it I get it."

"Get what?"

"Get why you are so sad and bitter and silent all the time. It's because you think you lost everything and everything reminds you of what you used to have…But you still fail to realize that you still have a lot of things, a lot of people left who care about you. That you are not the only person who lost her, not the only person who has lost anybody and knows how it feels."

Luke glanced at Jess's serious face and wondered when he became so grown-up and whether he had anything to do with it and if he did, how could he not live his own life like this kid he once taught to live his.

"I know I'm not the only person who deals this loss," Luke couldn't bring himself to say the word 'death.' "I just don't know how else to handle it."

Jess sighed in a weary way and stood up again, facing his uncle. "Look, you're allowed to be upset because Lorelai died." Luke wanted to flinch at how bluntly Jess had stated the fact, but he didn't, knowing it was time he stopped evading the cold hard truth.

Jess continued as of he was unaware of his uncle's feelings, though he probably knew how his words had affected him. "You are even allowed to get sappy and reminisce, but you can't push everyone away when they try to help you. You may think I know nothing about this matter, But Rory has come to me with her problems, and I believe she is better off for it. Don't lock it up, don't stop living."

Luke shook his head solemnly and stood up too. "It's different. Rory's young. She has so much to live for.

"And you don't?" snapped Jess.

"Lorelai was-"

Jess interrupted, slightly angry, but not letting it take control, "Lorelai was only one part of your life…I'm sorry, but no matter how great she was, it's true. So your life isn't turning the way out you planned. Your fiancé is gone, your parents are gone, but there is more to life. What about Liz? What about me? What abut April? Have you forgot about your daughter, when was the last time you talked with her? What about Rory?"

Luke opened his mouth to reply, although he didn't know what to say, when the phone rang, mercifully relieving him of the responsibility.

Jess pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. "Hey…" The shine in Jess's eye was enough for Luke to guess who it was.

Luke caught Jess eye as he was listening to the voice on the other line and pointed to the door and mouthed, 'I'm going to check on the diner.'

Jess looked at him as if he wanted to say something to stop Luke, but then thought better of it and let him go.

It wasn't too busy and Luke leaned on the counter, lost in his own thoughts. Jess had some compelling points, and if Luke hadn't already thought about of them, he might have been convinced. Liz? Her life was finally straightened out, she didn't need him anymore. Jess was the same way. April had gotten on before him and would get on after him. She was a good kid, but he still didn't feel as if he fit into her life correctly. And Rory? Rory had everyone to lean on and to help and care about her. She wasn't even talking to him; he didn't know what to say to her anymore, if he had ever said the correct thing to her ever…

"Did you hear about Carol and Brandon?"

"I heard from Mary, who heard from Christine, who eavesdropped on a phone call that those two are an item."

"Well I heard that they are more than just an _item_, if you know what I mean."

"Oh, yeah. Two young, hot kids like themselves, they have to be doing more than just holding hands. Heh, heh."

"It's nice to know that young love can still happen in this town, Lane and Zach have been the only ones married here for months, before and after…"

"You beginning to think nothing will work out these days-" Babette was silenced by a nudge from Miss Patty, who saw Luke, who had easily overheard the rather loud conversation (not that he cared about it), approach.

"How are you ladies doing?" asked Luke in his slightly superficial waiter voice.

The two women observed him carefully before Miss Patty answered with a gentle smile. "Just fine, thank you. How about you?"

"Fine…" answered Luke, unsure.

The two gossipers gave each other a meaningful glance that Luke was unable to decipher.

"I'll just…" Luke pointed over his shoulder, back at the kitchen. "If you need anything…"

"We're good."

As Luke retreated to the counter he overheard the two continue talking in a rather obvious whisper. .

"We really shouldn't talk about young love in front of Luke," whispered Patty to Babette. It was strange, whenever had those two censored what they said about anybody in front of anyone?

"I'm taking a walk," said Luke to no one in particular, tossing down the rag he had absentmindedly wiped the counter with before going out the door. It was a warm summer day. The streets were busy, as much as busy could be in Star's Hollow.

He only walked a few feet before he heard Taylor's _dulcet_ tone in argument with some town's folk or the other.

"Everyone else is decorating for the Summer Festival, why can't you?"

"But Taylor, the building's architecture is just so defined. The decorations take away from its natural beauty."

"The previous owner decorated for every holiday and festival, and it always looked marvelous. I can't understand why you are stubbornly refusing."

"But-"

"Not buts, the town square is the center of festivities and it always matches…" Taylor finally protested. The other townsman glared and him, but gave up, not finding a reason to keep fighting.

Luke observed the rather too colorful decorations that were on the some of the other buildings already.

Luke scoffed as he passed a victorious Taylor. "There is no way those _things_ are getting anywhere close to my diner."

Taylor turned, rather surprised to see him. Luke expected him to protest, expected to get into a fight with Taylor, which he hadn't had in a while.

Taylor stuttered over his words a bit as he said, "Well, if you don't want to…that's fine."

Luke watched the man incredibly as he left to do other business. Why hadn't Taylor fought with him, like they always had before?

Luke stood still in the middle of the sidewalk, watching the people moving around. Most avoided his catching his eye, and those few who did gave him weak half-grins full of pity. Luke turned on his heel and headed back to the diner, consumed in his thoughts. No one would talked to him, no one had talked to him, really talked to him, in the diner since…she died.

Luke couldn't believe the conundrum he had found himself in. It was not too many days ago he found himself hating Star's Hollow for being the same after Lorelai had died, but now he realized he hated it for not treating him like a person. They didn't see the son of William Danes nor the grumpy diner owner. All they saw was a sad, pitiful man who had lost his true love. And that's all they were going to see.

Luke paused at the diner door, but did not enter. He looked through the glass door and just watched. Miss Patty and Babette were still gossiping at a table in the corner. Lane was smiling as she chatted with Zach over the counter. Caesar and Kirk were in an argument over something or the other. And Jess…He must have still been upstairs on the phone with Rory.

He didn't blame them. It wasn't their fault, they weren't trying to, but he didn't fit anymore…

He had lost his home.


	12. Chapter 12

**Aki- **Okay, time frame, this over a week since the last chapter. Other things, has anyone noticed all the great song lyrics that I specifically and laboriously pick out for each chapter? Do you like them? Do you even read them? Well, whatever, I'm still going to do them for the rest of the story… Also the song I'm using this chapter, which I used in the last chapter and will use in a chapter to come, pretty much inspired this story or the Luke aspect of it, the Rory and Jess aspect were a apart of another plotline, in which Rory was having problems when Lorelai was in a coma and Jess came to the rescue and was potentially was entitled "Here Comes the Rain Again" but then I decided to combine them because they were so similar anyway… The verses are out of order, but I have this thing of listening to songs and making Gilmore Girls fanfiction storied to fit with them. I'm weird like that.

* * *

**Chapter 12**

_I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons  
Finally content with a past I regret  
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness  
For once I'm at peace with myself  
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long  
I'm movin' on  
_

_I'm movin' on  
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me  
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone  
There comes a time in everyone's life  
When all you can see are the years passing by  
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone  
_- "I'm Moving On" Rascall Flatts

"Mom… I've missed you so much. You have no idea. It's been really hard without you. It's hard to move on and you kind of don't want to because you think moving on might make you forget forever. But I'll never forget you. I can't, it's impossible. You're the reason for who I am today. You've told me you're proud of me, but that's only because you made me that way… I love you so much.

"Things are okay down here. It's hard sometimes though, when people don't know and they ask how you are doing and you have to tell them. People don't treat you the same anymore once they know what's happened. The sugar coast everything and it seems that whatever they say they are saying it wrong because I know they are not acting like themselves around me because I lost you.

"Luke and I haven't been talking much. It's hard on him, it really is. He shuts himself away and doesn't let anyone help, not even Jess. Oh yeah, Jess is here and don't judge too quickly. We're actually getting along great… I know what you are thinking! And maybe," Rory shrugged with a small smile. "Maybe, but I don't know yet. It's almost been a month since you left us and he's the only one who has been there for me the whole, through the ups and downs.

Rory bit the inside of her lip before continuing after her momentary pause, "It's weird. Talking to you when you can't talk back, which was one of your favorite things to do. God this is hard, but it's going to be okay, right? It's going to be okay, eventually. I know it, but you wouldn't have left me if you knew I couldn't handle it… I love you so much, Mom. I love you."

Rory brushed the tears off of her cheeks with her hands before pushing herself off the grassy ground. She started at her mother's head stone for a moment longer, rereading it over and over again:

Lorelai Victoria Gilmore

Beloved Daughter, Mother,

Fiancé, and Friend

The words had once seemed a piece of cruel, twisted fate of how someone with so many good things written about them could be dead. But now it seemed like the proper thing to have a list of her accomplishments there for everyone to see for all eternity, although it did seem to be missing the most important parts. Like how much coffee she drank or how much Chinese food she could at in one sitting. Their was no stone large enough to tell how great a mother she had been, especially under the circumstances, or how hard it was for her to try and be the perfect daughter or how long it took her to find that someone to spend the rest of her life with or what an amazing friend she had been to anyone who let her.

Rory slowly turned away and walked across the graveyard, rubbing her hands to keep them warm on the cool, breezy day.

"Thanks for coming with me," said Rory with a small smile to Jess when she reached him where he waited on the sidewalk.

"It's fine," replied Jess with a small grin of his own.

"This the first time I've been back here since the funeral. I didn't want to do it by myself," explained Rory as she and Jess began walking to where Jess's car waited on the side of the street a ways down.

"I can understand that," Jess agreed. "So, how does it feel?"

Rory gave a little shrug, hands tucked into her pockets. "It's tough, facing the reality that she is gone for good, but at the same time… I don't know. I'm glad, because once I accept I can realize that she will never truly be gone."

Jess through an arm around her shoulder. Some might have viewed it as romantic, but it was more playful then that. More friendly. More reassuring.

"So, whatcha going to do now?"

Rory turned her head and looked at him. "I was going to ask you the same question."

"What?" asked Jess, confused.

"It's been a month basically. More time than I think you planned to stay here. Back in Philadelphia you have a life, a job, an apartment, yet you are still here. So whatcha going to do now that I got my life back together?"

"Well, I don't quite trust you and Luke to go back to your own devices yet."

"No?" Rory asked, turned to face Jess as they paused on the sidewalk next to Jess's car.

"Nope."

"How long before you trust us to _our own devices_?"

"I don't know. How long do you need me for?"

Rory stared at him for a moment before averting her eyes, "So we better get going…"

"Yeah," agreed Jess, walking around to the driver's side of the car. Jess smirked secretly, unbeknownst to Rory she had given him all the information he needed when she didn't answer.

----

Luke had walked around in haze for, what was it now, eight, nine days? Ever since he came to his realization that he had lost his home. Jess had tried to talk to him, but Luke really hadn't been receptive. He had talked to Rory once or twice. He apologized for yelling at her. She said it was fine. But they hadn't really talked, just small talked and that didn't count.

Life had become so dull. He was lost in the dimensions of his thoughts, and felt as if everything else around him was fake and faded. An idea popped into his mind, but he quickly pushed it out. The idea had occurred to him before, but each time he stifled it. It was not an option, no matter how appealing it seemed at times.

No, he wasn't suicidal. It was something completely different. He wanted to leave it all behind: Stars Hollow, the dinner, his life, his memories, the people, the places, the feelings of regret. If he left, maybe he could start things over, do them right. Find another home since this one had been lost to him.

He knew, though, that he could never find another home, because home isn't just a place. It is the little things in it. The memories in insignificant objects. The hopes in the future of it. The people that made it worth coming back to. It was all too painful now.

He also knew deep down that he could never run away from the pain no matter how far he physically traveled away. It was torture. To leave or not to leave. He didn't know what to do.

The rather annoying bell on the door ringed as Jess and Rory entered the dinner and came up to the counter.

"What can I get you guys?" Luke asked.

"Coffee," replied Rory swiftly.

"Should I have even asked?"

"Probably not."

"Any you?" asked Luke, directing his question to Jess.

"I'll pass," he answered, sitting down on a stool. Luke filled Rory a cup and set it in front of her. Rory picked it up and took a long sip, eyes closed as though savoring the flavor. Jess watched her for a moment before nudging her with his elbow as thought to bring her back to reality or reminder her of something.

She rolled her eyes and set the coffee cup back on the counter. "Luke, can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure."

"Theirs a window in the house that I can't get closed and as it is getting colder…"

"I'll fix it," replied Luke easily, partially relieved that she hadn't asked something harder or more personal of him. "After work."

"Oh, um, you still have your key, right, because I'll be in Hartford."

"Yeah," answered Luke sudden bit of nervousness over taking him as he released he would be in that house alone.

"Are you okay," asked Rory, concerned, prompted by Luke's distant expression.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts before answering, "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about a …dinner supply thing." Rory observed him for a second and accepted his answer hesitantly. Jess gave him a skeptical, disbelieving look. Luke turned away from them and began refilling the not-so-empty coffee makers.

When Luke entered the house hours later with his toolbox, so affectionately donned Bert, he was assaulted by a trail of bright pink post-it notes stuck on the wall, each with a single black arrow drawn on them. He followed them up the stairs to Lorelai's room. He pushed the partially open door, as he stood outside, with his fingertips, letting it swing open to reveal a pink post-it on the wall next to the window on the far wall. Luke had a keen idea that Rory had intentionally not mentioned that the window that needed fixing had been in this particular room.

He hesitated only a moment before walked determinedly across the room. He purposely did not let his eyes wander from the window. When he reached it, he set his toolbox on the floor. He inspected the window pane first, trying to see if he could push it closed, but it was stuck tight. He retrieved a piece of sandpaper and began his work. It seemed that in no time at all the window slide shut.

He put his tools away, keeping his eyes down, knowing this was his chance to get away, but then looked up. And when he looked up and he knew he wouldn't be able to leave that easily. Right next to him was the bed that he had spent so many nights with her. Through the door to the left was the bathroom he had remodeled, with two sinks, just for her. There was a vanity in the corner, replacing the antique old Luke had tried to put in this room.

Luke didn't know what possessed him to do it, but he walked over to the closet and opened it. On the floor the shoes, which Paul Anka, who was living with Sookie and Jackson, had been so fond of relocating, were in disarray. He observed the hanging clothes, which were organized in no particular way, with interest. He spied the black and pink the dress she had wore the day she proposed to him. The outfit she wore on their first date and the pale pink dress she wore to Liz's wedding. He also saw the turquoise shirt she wore on the day the shared their first kiss. He spotted a shirt with pain stains on it and almost smiled. That seemed like so very long ago. Almost every article he could identify with a memory, and those he couldn't, reminded him of a mood or a personality trait of Lorelai's. The shirts with the unknown rock band logos on them or the self decorated blue jeans.

Luke took a step back from the closet, his vision blurring as a mix of emotions overcame him. He loved this room, this room that was supremely _her_ but had bee refitted to allow him into it. He hated this room, because of the pain it caused when it reminded him of everything he wanted to forget. The days spent together, the humorous conversation, kissing before falling to sleep…things that should make him happy, but actually haunted him. It was torture…

He had thought that very thought before, earlier that very day. He had held on before, after his father's death, trying to remember everything, but it destroyed him, and now he was doing it again and he knew he wouldn't be able to survive this time. He had to leave, he had to run away. It might have been the coward's way out, but that is what he had to do. It was his only chance to be able to live again. And no matter how slim that chance was, he had to take it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

When Jess entered the apartment above the diner later that evening he was surprised by what he met. A pile of boxes, some closed, some half-filled and some still empty were stacked about the room. Luke's possessions were in unusual disarray, stacks of books off the book case, dishes out of the cabinets, knick knacks piled on the coffee table in no certain order.

"What's going on here?" Jess asked aloud as he heard Luke entered the apartment behind him.

"It's…" Luke didn't finish.

"It looks like your packing stuff."

"That's because I am."

"And you pack either because you need extra space or you're…moving …"

"Jess…" implored Luke, facing his nephew.

Jess shook his head at his uncle and averted his eyes. "Why?" he asked roughly.

"Because I can't stay. It's too hard."

Jess looked at if he wanted to argue, wanted to fight and tell Luke he was wrong, but he resisted because somewhere in his being told him it was useless to even try.

"You have to tell Rory," stated the obstinate nephew after a moment of silence. "I can't do that for you."

"Okay," agreed Luke.

"I- I have to go," said Jess, even though he had just returned.

"Jess," Luke called after his nephew, who turned around at the door. Luke tossed him something and Jess caught it instinctively against his chest. He looked at it, it was a ring with two keys on it.

"They're for the diner. It's ours now. Do what you want with it."

Jess nodded in understanding, but said nothing in reply. What could he say? Then he left.

Luke went over to a pile of junk piled on his bed and began packing it into cardboard boxes, trying not to think of anything. Of the pain he was going to cause when he left. For a moment he almost reconsidered, but he knew he wasn't going to stay…

He paused in his work. He sat down on the edge of his bed and buried his face in his hands. He had no clue life would turn out this hard.

* * *

"Hey Lore," he whispered. He had avoided this place like the plague ever since the funeral. It was crazy, at least that's what he would have thought before, talking to a stone like it could hear you, like it could understand. But now, it was all he got. "It's…hard down here without you. I mean," Luke felt hot tears well up in his eyes, "I miss you. A lot. And I guess I want to say is that- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you away. You deserved so much better. I was lucky ever to even get a chance with you, Lorelai."

Luke cursed himself as a tear escaped his eyes, but he didn't wipe it away. "I loved you so much. I still love you. I'll never stop loving you and that's why I have to leave. It is too hard staying here with everything reminding me of what I lost and will never get back. It's torture! So please don't blame me for this. I don't want to desert Rory or Jess or Liz or you even though you are gone. But… It might be the wrong answer to this problem, but it is the only answer I can find that will allow me to still live with all of this pain."

Luke anxiously fiddled with the daisy, her favorite flower, in his hand that he had brought with him. He set it in front on her gravestone and backed up a few paces. He stared down at the stone. It seemed so empty and cold. He hated, but he loved it, he thrived off it. The little feeling that told him that even though gone forever,_ she_ had once been there.

"I'll miss you," he said, more mouthing it, barely any sound coming out for fear that he would break down. "I'll never forget you, you changed me. I love you. So please, forgive me."

Luke stared at his late fiancé's grave from a moment longer before turning his back to it and promptly leaving, not knowing, maybe not even caring, that it would be ten years before he was back there again.

He got into his truck and arrived outside the diner a moment later, where Rory was waiting outside.

"Hey," Luke said, a bit anxiously, as he climbed out of his pickup.

Rory nodded kindly in a return greeting, all the time observing the bed of Luke's truck packed tightly with boxes and suitcases.

"Um…" started Luke, none too articulately.

"Jess told me something was up after you hadn't for two days. But I kind of figured it out by then anyway."

"Rory…"

"You don't have to explain," she said quietly. "I get it. I always knew someone was going to give up and run away. I just always guessed you'd be stronger, because you already know how it is to lose family, but I guess all of that makes it worse, huh?"

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't," replied Rory, not harshly, but compassionately, or more understandingly, putting up a hand to stop him. "I said I get it."

"Um, I've been looking over the papers. She left you the house and her share of the inn-"

"I know," interrupted Rory once again. "Grandpa told me. He's been helping me out with that stuff."

"Rory… I don't know what to…" Luke gave a half-hearted shrug.

"You don't have to say anything." Rory approached Luke a gave him a little hug, "Just don't be a stranger." Rory backed away and went into the diner. She refused to say goodbye. She already had to with her mom, she wasn't going to with Luke.

Luke watched Rory through the wide diner window. Her back was to him and he guessed it was intentional so that she did not have to suffer anymore letting go.

All his things were ready. Some were stuck in storage, the rest in his truck. He opened the door, only an inch, before another voice sounded behind him.

"So you're really leaving?" said Jess angrily, not able to keep silent anymore.

"Jess-"

"No, don't 'Jess' me. What do you want me to say, what do you want me to do to make you stay, because I'll do it!"

"It's not that easy," answered Luke.

"I don't get it. Why? Why do you have to leave? I understand that you are heartbroken and grieving, but how will that get any better if you leave everyone who cares about you."

"I don't…know."

"I don't understand you!"

Luke paused before replying, "Neither do I."

Jess sighed to himself. Somehow that answer worked. Jess cleared his throat, "Well, call when you get settled down and if you ever need anything…"

"I know, Jess," Luke said with a sad smile.

Jess shrugged one shoulder. "I guess I understand a little bit about the need to run away. But I know it doesn't really help either."

"I have to figure that out for myself."

Jess nodded in understanding, "Bye, Luke."

"Good bye."

Luke climbed into his truck a turned the key in the ignition, revving up the pickup. He got into gear and pressed the accelerator lightly with his foot. He was stopped by the lone red light in Stars Hollow. He glanced in his mirror to see the face of the diner, the sign shaped like a coffee cup carrying his name, Williams Hardware sign, and the large glass windows so glared from this angle he couldn't see a single thing inside. No one was standing outside.

This place had been his home, his father's home, his grandfather's home and so forth. It was where his parent's were buried. Why he couldn't abandon the hardware sign after all these years. It was where his sister and nephew eventually returned to, even after all the bad times. It was where he fell in love and had his heartbroken. It was where he grew up and… it was where he died. All of his life Luke had never seen any potential outside of this little crazy town that he shared a love-hate relationship with, until he lost everything that made it special.

The light turned green and Luke turned his attention to the road ahead, not glancing back again.

_I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't  
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town  
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't  
I had to lose everything to find out  
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road  
I'm movin' on _

I'm movin' on  
I'm movin' on

- "I'm Moving On" Rascall Flatts

End of Part I

**

* * *

**

**But Wait!** Do not fret. There are yet more chapters for this story, but they will be in part two, ten years later. It is all the same story though.


	14. Part II: Chapter 1

**Aki- **Sorry this chapter took so long. I never intended it to and I have no excuse except school and even then I've be on Christmas break. I also apologize for its shortness, but I wanted short chapter to introduce this second part of the story.

**

* * *

**

**Part II: Chapter 1**

_This old four way stop_

_I've been here a lot._

_More times then I can count_

_Left goes to Mama's place_

_Right to the interstate_

_Straight ahead goes straight through town_

_But where you live now_

_Same street, second house_

_I can't blame you girl for settling down_

_But I'm not one bit closer to being over you_

_It's almost like the hands of time haven't moved_

_Everywhere I look I see your memory hanging 'round_

_They ought to name this town after you_

_- Jimmy Wayne, "After You"_

Luke pulled his new, bright red pickup truck to the side of the empty road. He gripped his steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. Maybe he had made a mistake coming here. Maybe he wasn't ready for this yet.

He took a slow, deep, calming breath. It had been ten years since he left and he hadn't come back since.

It wasn't too late to turn back, he knew that. He hadn't told anyone he was coming that would be expecting him. Actually he hadn't told most anyone anything lately. Lately being….how many years now?

He could turn his truck around this instance, go back to Pittsburg and spend this break he took from work watching television in his small apartment. That thought sickened him more then the butterflies in his stomach for returning. For returning to Stars Hollow.

He pulled off the side of the road and continued into the outskirts of the town. Luke passed the "Welcome to Star's Hollow" sign and almost smiled. It was great to be home.

He drove slowly down the main road, trying to take everything in. Nothing had seemed to change. The pure white gazebo still stood in the park. The gazebo he and Lorelai shared both a picnic lunch and a first kiss as an engaged couple.

A class seemed to be going on in Patty's studio. Decorators were scurrying about the town square, setting up for some town function or the other. Luke had lost count of all of them. Taylor, looking slightly less energetic and commanding as he used to be, was standing in the center, yelling through a megaphone.

A million crazy thoughts and questions popped into Luke's head all at once. Was that annoying, obstinate man still the town selectmen for what would be the umpteenth time? How was the bridge they were constantly raising money for doing? Were Kirk and Lulu still together? Did Miss Patty get remarried and/or divorced again? …

And so were thousands of pieces of town gossip and scandals that he would have never cared to hear if he had stayed were going through his mind like he really wanted to know. It surprised him. He never thought on how much he would have missed out before. A final few questions came to Luke. One's more important, more intimate, more personal. Was the Dragonfly still running successfully? How were Rory and Jess doing? What ever did happen with the diner?

Shook from his thoughts from a sound rare in Stars Hollow, the honking of a horn, Luke slammed on his breaks, finally aware of the red light he was swiftly approaching.

He both cursed to himself and sighed in relief as he stopped just in time at the only god damn traffic light in Stars Hollow. The one conveniently situated just outside…

He swiftly looked over and was surprised at what he saw. It was still there next to Taylor's Old Fashion Ice Cream Shoppe. Luke's Diner. Or so the sign read, unless you were reading the other one that said, "William's Hardware." It was bustling with customers from the mid-afternoon rush. He couldn't believe it.

For just a second, Luke thought maybe he never left at all.


	15. Part II: Chapter 2

**Aki- **Nope, despite what some of you think, everything in part one actually happened. Also, I know last chapter was short and Luke Centered, but this chapter has both Rory and Jess. Hope you like.

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**Chapter 2 **

_But it's not so bad  
You're only the best I ever had  
You don't need me back  
You're just the best I ever had  
_  
_And it may take some time to  
Patch me up inside  
But I can't take it so I  
Run away and hide  
And I may find in time that  
You were always right  
You're always right _

_- Allen Gary, "Best I Ever Had"_

Luke's mouth was agape. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe it was still here. He knew how Jess and Rory had struggled with what to do with the space for a little while, but he never expected them to keep the diner running, yet here it was…

Luke urgently pulled into a thankfully open parking space in front of the diner. He had to go inside, see this up close. Plus, Jess or Rory were probably in there…and he was a bit hungry.

He got out of his truck and approached the diner door and suddenly his amazement was lost to nervousness. He hadn't wanted to have this reunion in such a public place, but here he was. Whatever, the whole town would find out what happened anyway.

He hesitated just a moment, his hand resting on the diner's door handle as he peered through the thick glass door at the hustle and bustle inside. He felt strangely separated from these people. The screaming babies, the chattering children, the laughing lovers, the reminiscing elderly, everyone inside with their lives. The feeling passed and he pulled open the door and stepped inside.

He didn't know what he had expected. Everyone to turn and look at him or someone to say, hey isn't that Luke. But no, it was nothing. He took a few more tentative steps forward when a familiar voice meet his ears…

"Caesar! The couple over their ordered their burgers over twenty-five minutes ago! What's taking so long?"

"I'm sorry Rory, I have an arm cramp."

"You know what happens when people don't get their food?... They don't pay us!"

"Okay, okay, I'll get right on it."

Rory shook her head, her shoulder-length brown hair batting her in the eyes and muttered under her breath she leaned against the counter, "I swear the only reason I haven't fired him yet is because I can't cook."

"Actually," came Caesar's voice from the kitchen, having overheard his employer, "You've fired me twice before."

"Hey! Want to add a third time, buddy! Get on those burgers."

Some cleared his thought behind Rory to get her attention. She turned and asked automatically, "Oh, sorry. May I help you?" And then she looked at his face. Her eyes narrowed slightly and her mouth formed a perfect 'O', in surprise and recognition.

"Luke?!" she said with a slight chuckle in her voice as a smile spread across her face.

"Hey, Rory," he replied with his own little grin at her delight.

Then she gasped and practically jumped over the counter in order to get him into an embrace. She sufficed with pulling him into a rather uncomfortable position as he leaned over the counter and she held him in an hug.

Most of the diner's attention was on them now. Some stared unabashedly with puzzlement, others with amazement, while others got out their cell phones.

Rory let him go and stepped back to get a good look at him. His hair was much thinner then when she last saw him and now with a touch of gray in it. His face was also more worn than before with obvious wrinkles at his mouth, on his brow and in the corners of his eyes. Yet he didn't look bad.

"I wasn't expecting this," she said. "It is so good to see you though."

"Thanks, you too," he replied, in turn taking in Rory. She looked older, but not in a bad way. Wiser, more confident, more knowing. In a way she resembled her mother more now, but she still had those ice blue, full of hope, eyes.

"Luke?" came the questioning voice of Caesar as he leaned out of the kitchen, finally catching on.

"Hey Caesar," replied Luke, unable to bite back a grin as he offering a hand.

"Luke!" exclaimed Caesar, coming around the counter, ignoring Luke's outstretching hand, and gave the man a hug. Rory laughed at Luke's extremely uncomfortable expression.

"You know Rory, this is the guy who taught me everything I know about cooking. Well, actually… him and my mom. But boy have I missed you Luke, especially when I'm getting my cooking elbow. You were the only one who knew how to massage it right. Rory and Jess always refuse to even try, except that once…"

"Yeah, yeah. That's great," said Luke, cutting over the man's babbling.

"Hey, do you smell something burning?" Rory questioned the two boys with a bit of sarcasm in her tone.

Caesar paused for a second and sniffed, seriously considering her question. "Yeah, it's like a grease fire or something…"

"Seriously Caesar, the burgers!"

"Oh!" he yelled, running back into the kitchen.

"Wow," muttered Luke, sitting down on a stool on the opposite side of the counter as Rory.

"I'll kill him one day, I swear," she said, leaning her elbows on the counter opposite Luke.

"I can't belive you kept this place a diner all these years."

"What did you expect us to do with it?" asked Rory, serious and as though she could not deem another considerable thing to do with the building.

"I don't know, sell it, rent it out to make money. Maybe make it into an office or Jess could have started his own book store or something."

"You really thought about it, didn't you?" pondered Rory.

"I guess I wanted to think I left you guys with options."

"Well, we had to keep the diner open or Caesar would have been out of a job."

"How very thoughtful of you."

Rory shrugged, "As you see, not much has changed. It hasn't been repainted since you and Mom painted it all those years ago. Partly because it doesn't need it, partly because me and Jess are collectively too lazy, but we did add ah…" Rory wasn't sure how to describe it, so she pointed to the wall.

"Is that a bulletin board?" questioned Luke.

"Yeah, but it become more of a picture board than anything. This is um, when Babette's cat had kittens," Explained Rory, pointing to each photograph in turn, "Here's Lane and Zach with the twins on their tenth birthday. That's an old picture of me and Mom…"

Luke looked over the pictures. Each was a window into a memory that he missed while he was gone. People he thought he knew looked older, different, distant alongside pictures of people he didn't know. His eyes moved onto a picture that couldn't be that old with Rory and Jess sitting on a bench in front of the Gazebo with a little curly-headed boy sitting in Rory's lap.

"… Kirk and Lulu's wedding," finished Rory.

"Wow," whispered Luke. Ten years seemed like such a long time when he saw all the things that happened while he was gone.

The rather annoying bells on the restaurant door rang as it was opened and shut.

"Mommy!" yelled a little voice as a blur of a figure ran behind that counter.

"Hey," she said, kneeling down and scooping him up into her arms before resting the little boy on her hip.

Luke's eyes opened wider in surprise. Rory gave him half a grin and a shrug.

"What happened to Dad?" Rory asked the little brunette boy.

At that moment the door opened again with a loud bang.

"Ethan!" nearly shouted an aggravated Jess. The little boy, Ethan, gripped his mother's shirt and buried his face in her shoulder.

"Did you give him the ol' slip again?" Rory asked Ethan and he looked up at her and nodded with a mischievous grin.

"It's not funny, Rory," said Jess coming behind the counter. "What if one of these times he gets lost or hurt."

"It's Stars Hollow."

"That's not the point," retorted Jess, even though he knew he lost.

Luke laughed quietly at their exchange, catching Jess's, who did a double take, attention.

"Luke."

"Hi."

"Who's that?" Ethan asked his mother bluntly.

"That's your dad's uncle," she explained quietly.

"Oh…What's an uncle?"

Rory couldn't hide her smile at his question. "Well, it means that he is Granny's brother. Also, remember what I told you about my mommy?"

"Yeah, the funny one who was your bestest friend."

"Uh-huh. Luke here was going to marry her."

"Why? Wasn't your mommy married to your daddy?" questioned the young boy curiously.

Rory chuckled uncomfortably. "That's a story for a different time."

"Hey, buddy, why don't I take you upstairs for your nap," said Jess.

"But I'm not tired," he whined, finishing the sentence with a big yawn to emphasize his point.

"Well that's just too bad," replied Jess, taking the boy out of Rory's arms and carrying him over his shoulder up the stairs to the once apartment, all the time beating his small fists on Jess's back while complaining, 'I don't wanna. I don't wanna.'

Luke watched them go, all the while thinking on the little boy who was the perfect mix of Jess and Rory. He had received dark, unruly hair from his father's side, but he had the blue eyes from his mother's side. They weren't crystal blue like Rory's, but a darker shade such as Lorelai had. Even though he was still young and slightly round faced, one could tell he would grow up to have Jess's strong facial structure although he his nose and cheeks were covered with the light freckle's that Rory had even when she concealed them makeup.

"Wow," muttered Luke, he was shocked by the thought of how much of a family the three of them seemed...and he didn't seem to fit in. It was like he was still staring into the diner throw the window, an outsider.

"What?"

"You domesticated Jess."

Rory bit back a laugh. "Yeah. It still surprises me when I step back and look where my life has ended up. I mean, I don't think either of us planned to get back together in a relationship, but he was here and no on else was." Luke felt a pang of guilt. "And I fell back in love with him and I guess he never fell out of love with me. It's almost cliché."

Jess had come back downstairs.

"How's Ethan," asked Rory swiftly.

"Out like a light," he replied before turning to his uncle. "So Luke," he said, trying to be friendly, although there was a slight bit of bitterness in his voice, "Where have you been for the last ten years?"


	16. Part II: Chapter 3

Aki: I for one refuse to believe that the only stickin' room upstairs is Lorelai's room and the bathroom. It frankly doesn't make sense. Her room is not that big, so I am creating my own room. You can call it creative license, but I think it logically exists anyway. This rant will make sense once you read the chapter.

This chapter turned out better then I expected, but the beginning is kind of slow... Reviewslove!!!

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**Chapter 3**

_Minutes turn to hours  
And the hours to days  
Seems it's been forever  
That I felt this way _

Not a day goes by  
That I don't think of you  
After all this time  
You're still with me it's true  
Somehow you remain  
Locked so deep inside  
That baby, baby, oh, baby  
Not a day goes by  
That I don't think of you

- Lonestar, "Not a Day Goes By"

Wow, ten years, had it really been ten years. He knew that was a long time, but not until Jess said it did he realize how long it had been. You can miss a lot in ten years. Look, Jess and Rory had just peaked into their thirties. And he, he was becoming an old man, and ten years had had a toll on him. Now this question, where had he been? That was something he wasn't quite sure of himself, let along being able to give a quality answer. Nowhere, nowhere important, nowhere that he could ever call home and everywhere, or so it seemed so. Everywhere other than here.

"Here and there," Luke finally replied cryptically. Jess raised an eyebrow but didn't push.

"So how long will you be in town?" asked Rory, offering Luke an easier question.

"I don't have to be back to work until Wednesday."

"Oh, good, so you got almost a week. Do you know where you are staying yet?"

"Um, I thought I'd maybe get a room at the inn."

"No, you are staying with us. We have the room," spouted off Rory swiftly. Jess gave Rory a look as if to say, don't I even get asked. "And Jess is okay with it," she added smartly.

"Where is that exactly," asked Luke, unsure as to Rory ad Jess's living arrangements.

"The crap shack," replied Rory without missing a beat.

"Ah."

"Rory do you seriously have to keep calling our home that?" said Jess exasperatedly.

She shrugged. "We have nothing else to call it."

"So how old is he?" asked Luke, referring to Ethan.

Rory's expression turned wistful as if she were love struck. On second thought Luke thought maybe she was. "Four almost five. You just saw him on his way back from pre-school. He's… my everything," concluded Rory with a smile grin.

"You seem really happy," commented Luke.

Rory took the hand of her husband standing next to her. "We are." The two lovers caught eye contact and held it for a few seconds. Luke felt a pit in the bottom of his stomach. He was jealous. They had become everything he had wanted to be ten years ago with Lorelai.

"Well, um," said Rory after a moment, "I think I've avoided my customers for long enough. Ethan should be out for at least another twenty minutes, so Jess, why don't you take Luke to the house so he can unload his stuff."

"Sure," agreed Jess before turning to his uncle. "Ready to go?"

The two exited the dinner in silence.

"New truck?" asked Jess, indicating to the red pickup truck parked ahead of them.

"Yeah. I've had it for a few years."

"Huh."

An uneasy silence hung in the air between Jess and Luke as they got in the truck and drove to the crap shack. He really should have expected at least one of them to be mad at him. It figures it was Jess, who had been angry with him at the start for leaving.

"It looks nice," commented Luke, trying to be polite. Jess nodded curtly in response. Luke grabbed his bags from the bed of the truck and followed Jess onto the porch and into the house. It looked the same, yet different at the same time. Everything they had remodeled all that time ago before the wedding that never happened was all the same. The old lumpy couch was still sitting in the middle of the living room. He didn't know why, but his eyes were intoned to every little change. The new television, children's toys left haphazardly on the floor, the fact the picture on the mantle had be replaced with many newer ones. Luke took a step towards the stairs.

"Um, Luke. You'll be staying in there," corrected Jess, pointing vaguely to the bedroom by the kitchen.

"But that's Rory's room."

"Not anymore," retorted Jess. "Rory and me moved into the master bedroom upstairs after we got married and Ethan's room is the one across the hall that Lorelai had only ever used for storage…"

Jess pushed open the door to the room previously known as Rory's room. "So this is the guest room, except you are the first guest we ever got. It is actually more like a spare bedroom Rory and me put our excess of books in.

Luke immediately saw Jess' comment was an understatement. It was less of a spare bedroom and more of an impromptu library. A small bed was against the wall next to an empty writing desk, but the walls were tightly crammed with mismatching bookcases and shelves. It was just the sort of room you could have expected to be in Jess' and Rory's household. Luke tossed his bag onto the bed.

"It's…"

"Chaotic?" filled in Jess.

"I was going to go for nice, but that makes more sense."

Jess smirked. "Want something to drink?"

"Water, please," replied Luke, sitting down at the kitchen table. Jess grabbed to bottle of water from the fridge and slid one over to Luke, sitting down himself.

"You guys seem to be doing well. Rory looked really happy."

Jess to a sip of water. "You have no idea how hard it was, how long it took to get where we are now."

"I'm sorry I didn't stick around," replied Luke automatically. He really wasn't sure if he meant that.

"Well I'm not the one you should be telling that to," Jess said darkly. "Rory was crushed that you didn't come to our wedding. You didn't even call. Did you get the invitation at all?"

"I got it," said Luke sadly. "I wanted to… but I couldn't…" Luke had been so happy for them, Jess and Rory. Things finally worked out between them. But he couldn't come back to Stars Hollow and especially not to see a wedding.

Jess ignored Luke's cryptic answer. "By the time Ethan was born we lost all contact with you."

"I was moving around a lot. My address and phone number weren't steady. Then work came along. I just got so busy-"

"So busy that we haven't heard from you in over five years?! Haven't seen you in over ten?" said Jess with rage in his tone, standing up suddenly.

"Why are you so mad?" demanded Luke.

"Why? You can't pull this crap without repercussions, Luke. I learned that when I was nineteen years old and I was running way. Liz learned that over and over again throughout her twenties. But you were a forty year old man, damnit. You left Rory who was practically in pieces, and I was the only one here trying to hold her together. You didn't see us get married and you just met your great nephew today, but you haven't met your niece, 'cause if you remember right, Liz was pregnant when you left. Maybe Rory can find it easy to forgive you at a moment's notice, but I can't."

Jess stormed to the front door and opened it but Luke called after him.

"Jess! You have no idea what I was going through. What I am still gong through. It hurts, it physically hurts every moment of everyday when I think about Lorelai and realize that I will never going to see her again. Hold her again. Kiss her again. She was the love of my life and I never got to marry her. And the night she died, I hurt her. And being here, in this town, and seeing you and Rory having a life makes me jealous and angry. I know leaving was the wrong thing to do, but it was the only thing I could do."

"I don't believe that! Rory stuck around and I, the most rootless person ever, stuck around for her!"

"You don't get it."

"No, I do. You couldn't think anything but yourself."

"Jess!"

"Excuse me, but I have to go check on my son!" Slam.

Luke started at the closed door for a moment. He could still make out the vague shape of Jess standing on the porch throw the thin curtains over the front doors' windows. After the moment Jess reentered the house, and stuffing his cell phone in his pants pocket, he said to Luke, looking at the floor inches before his uncle's feet. "Rory wants me to tell you that we are having dinner at the diner at six-ish."

"Okay," replied Luke, confused and embarrassed by the turn of events.

"Rory's really kinda steeping on my dramatic exit," Jess said with a small smirk, looking at Luke.

Luke laughed. "Sometimes things just don't work out as you plan." Jess gave Luke a wired look. He hadn't thought about what he was saying before he said it, yet it fit. It was the single phrase that surmised his whole life, from the death of his parents, Liz running off, Rachel always leaving, his failed marriage with Nicole, taking Jess in as a teenager, April showing up out of the blue, and then everything with Lorelai and what her death made him do…

"Yeah," agreed Jess. "Sometimes they don't…See you at dinner?"

"See you at dinner."


	17. Part II: Chapter 4

**Aki-** Thanks for all the enthusatic reviews!!! Especailly TheLongLostGilmoreGirl, if you want to write fan fiction, go for it. Anyway, the this chapter is shorter because I wanted it to end in a specifc place. You'll see.

One more thing, I know I speeled it wrong later in the chapter, so do any of you know hope to speel Christiana what'sherface's last name?

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**Chapter 4**

_Here's to the strong; thanks to the brave.  
Don't give up hope: some people change.  
Against all odds, against the grain,  
Love finds a way: some people change.  
_- Montgomery Gentry, "Some People Change"

"… and then he pulls himself back onto the bridge and gets all indignant and when he turns to walk away he trips over his own to feet and… splash, back in the lake."

Luke chuckled lightly, more at Rory's enthusiasm then the story. Jess just scowled.

There were sitting in the empty diner late after diner.

"That's even better then the time I pushed Jess into the lake myself."

Rory covered her mouth with one hand and giggled. Jess glared at his uncle.

"Okay, in order to escape this rag on Jess session, I'm going to take this little guy home," said Jess, picking up Ethan in arms from where he had fallen asleep curled up like a cat on a chair.

Luke watched the two boys exit the diner.

"He's really good with him. Jess with Ethan."

Rory nodded in agreement. "He became a father."

"I guess it's hard for me to accept it. I still remember a seventeen year old Jess moving in and stealing all the baseballs from the school…"

Rory shrugged, "Things change." She began picking up the dishes and walking them back to the kitchen. Luke stood to aid her.

"Speaking of changes," said Luke, setting down two glasses next to the kitchen sink was Rory was scraping food into the garbage disposal. "How did this exactly come about?"

"Exactly what?" questioned Rory causally, not looking up from her task.

"This. Becoming a diner girl. What happened to being a journalist, traveling the world. Seeing everything. You talked about it since… since I met you. How did it all change?"

Rory paused. She set the plate down in the sink and turned to face Luke.

"Sometimes I don't even know," she replied quietly. "But after Mom passed, things that were so important before weren't anymore. I graduated from Yale, got a good job at a local paper. I did well at it, but it didn't feel the same as it used to and for the longest time I didn't know why."

"Did you ever find out?"

"I still don't know. Everyone expected I was going to be a journalist after college, so did I. But I came back to Stars Hollow everyday and saw this diner empty. Neither Jess nor I could sell it, but we were busy with our own jobs. We couldn't run it either… We decided to open it on weekends, have Caesar help run it. I came in and helped when I was off. I loved it… and now here we are."

"So that's it," asked Luke skeptically. "It just happened."

"Dreams change. I wanted to be a foreign correspondent so I could travel the world, so I could see something… But Mom's passing put everything in perspective. Everything I wanted to see, everyone I really cared about was here. I didn't have to leave to see it anymore."

Luke paused his interrogation for a moment. She was so sure of herself and she spoke with passion in her voice. He guessed he thought that Rory gave up something to work in the diner, but she wanted it. He needed to know something though…

"Do you every regret it?" asked Luke in almost a whisper after a moment of contemplative silence.

Rory leaned against the sink, arms now crossed. She shook her head no. "It was one dream I didn't chase and without it I got everything. A family and town full of people who care about me. If I had become Christiana Amanpour I might have been successful, I might have been rich and famous and I very well might have been happy with that, the mere fact that I was doing the same something I wanted to do since I was nine years old, but, with Mom gone, I might have never of had a reason to come back. I think I'm happier here, more successful even, then I would have been there."

Luke sighed and exited the kitchen. It was funny, because he regretted everything. Rory followed.

"I wish I could be as sure as you about my life as you are," Luke said morosely.

"Are you kidding? I am anything but sure."

"What about that whole speech back there?"

"Yeah, I'm sure I have chosen a life path that has made me immensely happy, but I can only say that with hindsight. I'm never sure what I am doing when I am doing it. Breaking up with Logan? Quitting my job to run a diner? Letting myself fall back in love with Jess? Getting married? Having a kid? I was scared and unsure except that I was sure that I was wrong."

Luke sat down ruefully at a table. He looked up at Rory who was standing beside him. "But you got here."

"I did. I don't know how the hell, but I did."

"And your happy?" questioned Luke, a weakness in his tone.

"Yes."

"How?"

"It was a long time getting here. I- I had people who wouldn't leave my side," said Rory in sad recollection of time when she was nearly falling apart and everyday was a challenge. "Jess was always just a phone call away. And… I learned to stop blaming myself.

Luke looked up at Rory slightly surprised. "For what?"

Rory gave the older man a strange look as though it was obvious. "For her death."

"But it wasn't your fault-"  
"You don't have to say that Luke, I've moved-"

"No," interrupted Luke, "It's not your fault. I'm sorry, … but it's mine."

"What?!" asked Rory, confused.

"It's my fault your mother is dead."


	18. Part II: Chapter 5

**Aki-** Here's the next chapter that I had time to write merely for the fact that I finally had some seriously delayed snow days off school (anyone in MD knows what I am talking about). I rather like this chapter. I have been building up to it for a while. It didn't go exactly the way I planned because when I write some things go off in whatever direction the feel like. But still I like it.

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**Chapter 5**

_I guess it's gonna have to hurt,  
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,  
And let go of some things I've loved,  
To get to the other side,  
I guess it's gonna break me down,  
Like falling when you try to fly,  
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,  
Starts with goodbye.  
_- Carrie Underwood, "Starts With Goodbye"_  
_

"_It's my fault your mother is dead."_

Rory brought a hand to her forehead and asked again, her voice shaking in what Luke could only assume was rage, and said again in a deathly quiet whisper, "What?"

"I'm so sorry, Rory," said Luke wanting to explain what happened. "The night of the accident Lorelai came to the dinner all upset about the wedding being delayed and all. She wanted too elope, I said no and she stalked off. A few hours later I found out she was hit-"

"No," said Rory sharply, "I don't care about that."

"Rory, please try to understand," he pleaded.

"Luke," she snapped. "You don't get it, do you? I'm not mad at you because you think Mom's death was your fault."

"You're not?" questioned Luke, confused.

"No," said Rory, her voice softening a bit. "I'm mad because you still are."

"Still are what?"

"Blaming yourself."

"Listen, it was my-," Luke began but Rory cut him off.

"No, _you_ listen!" commanded Rory so forcefully Luke shut up without a second thought. Rory began pacing back and forth across the dinner floor, one hand resting on her waist, the other making annoyed hand gestures. "Don't you get it!" she began her rant. "You can't keep blaming yourself, that's why you are so unhappy. I don't even care even if things had happened differently and that if you had gone off and eloped that maybe she would still be around. Their too many variables to play the what if game. The only person to blame is that driver. You need to let go of that guilt…"

"But how can I?" asked Luke earnestly. "How can I when I know that if I hadn't hurt her it would have gone down completely differently?"

Rory paused her pacing and turned to Luke. "The same way I did." Her voice was hoarse and her eyes red, but there were no tears on her face. "The same way I did," she repeated, her voice stronger now. "Don't you realize that I went the same damn thing? That I blamed myself too?"

"But," Luke began to protest, but Rory stopped him with a hand motion.

"The night of the accident I felt the Friday night diner at Grandma's and Grandpa's early to do, God I don't even remember now. I tortured myself over the fact that if I had stayed she would have left early or later or I would have driven or maybe we would have had an impromptu movie marathon after. That maybe the slight change in circumstances would have meant that Mom would stile be here to this very day. But eventually I had to stop thinking about it. It was too much. I had to move on."

Luke stared at Rory in amazement for a moment. Here before him was a girl so passionate and alive, even after she lost the one person who could be argued as the most important person in her life. She was probably even stronger because of it.

"You're going to have to learn to move on too."

Luke didn't speak for a moment.

"I- can't."

Rory closed her eyes and shook her head in a frustrated, exhausted manner.

"Common on," she commanded, grabbing the sleeve of Luke's shirt and pulling him towards the door. She tossed a bewildered Luke his jacket off the coat rack as she put on her own. "I need to show you something."

The next thing he knew he was in the passenger's seat of Rory's car which she was driving with a little more then a safe speed. Luke attributed to her emotions.

She flipped down the visor in front of Luke with one hand, never even taking her eyes off the road. A vanity mirror was now revealed.

"Look at yourself," she said in a controlled tone. "No one else is pointing their finger at you and saying 'you're the reason Lorelai Gilmore is dead' except you. Are you looking? Now forgive yourself. There is nothing you can do now. There was nothing you could have done then. You didn't know it was going to happen."

Luke was looking at his reflection, but was having a hard time processing what Rory had said. In the mirror was the image of an old man who had aged much more over the last ten years then he should have. His hair was significantly thinner and flecked with gray. There were several deep lines on his face, but not ones he would have wanted. He didn't have the laugh lines at the corner of his eyes that Lorelai was on the verge of getting before she passed. He would probably have them now too if she was alive. She always made him laugh so. Instead their were those on his brow from thinking long and hard over what he had lost and those by his mouth pointing out that he rarely smiled any more and mostly frowned. How could he forgive this pitiful excuse for a man who was staring straight back at him?

Rory parked a moment later at the last placed Luke wanted to be… the graveyard.

She turned in her seat and looked at him intensely. "And after you forgive yourself, theirs one more thing you have to do."

She got out of the chair and began her walk across the dark yard. Luke reluctantly followed.

They came to pause in front of a familiar headstone. Luke could just make out through the darkness a single yellow daisy lying on the ground in front of the stone making him conclude that Rory must visit here a lot. The girl sniffled beside him. He wasn't sure whether if it was from the cold or if she was crying. A part of him didn't want to find out.

"Now," she said, her voice quavering just a bit, "Now you have to say goodbye."

"What?"

"Say goodbye, Luke. It's what I did."

"I don't get it. You say you've goodbye, then you talked about _her_ to me, to Jess, to Ethan. You have her pictures all about. It that really goodbye?"

"Goodbye doesn't mean forgetting!" retorted Rory. "Goodbye means finding just a shred of closure. It means letting go of the pain- though it never fully leaves- and moving on and being happy without feeling guilty. It means remembering in peace. Goodbye, Luke, it being able to laugh at the memories instead of cry."

"I…" he didn't have anything to say. How could ever be that way? How could he not miss her?

"I miss her, Luke. I miss her everyday," said Rory, anticipating what Luke was thinking. "I wish she was there to see be graduate from Yale and to get married and to raise Ethan, but she's not. I wish she was, but she's not."

Luke stayed silent.

"And it hurts," Rory continued after giving Luke an unused moment to speak. "Saying goodbye hurts. Putting it behinds you is hard, but it has to be done. Here's your chance." Rory stopped and walked a few yards off, giving the older man some privacy.

"Lorelai," he spoke after a moment, his voice raspy, as he briefly remembered the last time he spoke to her headstone, just he before he left town.

"Lorelai," he repeated. He didn't know what there was to say. Rory had made a lot of good points and he believed they had worked for her, but him? She was young when Lorelai passed away. She was young and bright and had such a future, of course she could move on. But when it happened to him, Lorelai was everything to him. How was he supposed to move on? He had nothing to move on to.

"Lorelai," he repeated yet again. "I can't," he said, shaking his head no. "I can't let go yet. Holding on is all I have left."


	19. Part II: Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_Here I stand alone  
With this weight upon my heart  
And it will not go away  
In my head I keep on looking back  
Right back to the start  
Wondering what it was that made you change_

_'Cos I tried  
But I had to draw the line  
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind_

_What if I had never let you go  
Would you be the woman I used to know  
What if I had never walked away  
'Cos I still love you more than I can say  
If I'd stayed  
If you'd tried  
If we could only turn back time  
But I guess we'll never know  
We'll never know_

- Kate Winslet, "What If"

"Rory, are you okay?" asked Jess in bed next to his not so sleeping wife.

She shrugged half-heartedly. Her back was to him, so he couldn't she her expression.

He leaned up on his elbow to see her face, which was half hidden in her pillow.

"I'm fine," she muttered, her voice sounding as if otherwise.

"Rory," warned Jess in a tone like that of a parent knowing when a child had done something wrong, but refused to admit it. "What is it?"

She turned over in bed to face Jess, he eased back down into his spot. Both lying down on the pillow, faces only inches apart.

"You know I am happy that Luke is here, right?"

"Yeah, you've been nothing but ecstatic all day," Jess commented with a small smirk.

Rory tried to return it, but failed. "It's just," she said after a moment, "After you and Ethan left we got to talking about our lives and…about Mom…" Rory held back a quiet sob. Jess reached out and gripped her upper arm reassuringly.

"Yeah?" he asked, allowing her to go on.

"It's just, he blamed himself for death or something, that idiot, and I ended up driving him to the graveyard and ranted about moving on and letting it go and saying goodbye so you could live your live and remember the good times…"

"What's the problem with that?" asked Jess slowly.

"The problem is after I said it, I didn't believe myself. It's not that easy. Maybe I thought I had done all that stuff, but I was lying to myself…" Rory wiped away her tears roughly with her hand before Jess reached out in took it is his own.

"I'm happy with my life even if it didn't go the direction I thought it would. You know that right?"

"God, I hope you are," Jess joked.

Rory smiled genuinely.

"It's just," she said after another moment, small sobs interspersed with her words. "It's just," she repeated, "When I told Luke about being happy with the memories you got I thought back to all the times it was so hard without her there. When it hurt so much. When I was planning the wedding…the pregnancy…that whole first year after she…" Rory couldn't control herself anymore and just let it out.

"Shh," Jess whispered, kissing the hand of hers he was holding. "It'll be okay."

"I know," Rory replied. "I know it will be, but even after you move on, there are still times where it hurts a lot."

Jess put his arms around his tortured wife and pulled her to him. She clung to his neck until she had fallen asleep crying into his shoulder.

-

"I can't let go yet. Holding on is all I have left…" The words echoed over and over again in his head. He was alone in the dark graveyard and the only headstone was Lorelai contrastly bright from the midnight blackness that hid everything else around. The words 'beloved fiancé' seemed to stand out against the others, as if printed in a bigger type then the rest.

Suddenly he was no longer in the graveyard, but standing in front of the diner on a cool spring night. And Lorelai was standing in front of him, yelling…, but how? He wanted to grab her and kiss her, but he was strangely glued to the spot.

"I love you Luke, I love you!" She started blabbing on about purple curtains and Anna and eloping, but he could say nothing.

Finally words escaped his mouth, but they weren't under his control.

"Just wait!"

"No," she yelled in return, pending tears in her eyes. "I'm tired of waiting. It's now or never."

"I don't like ultimatums," he replied angrily. That's not what he wanted to say. He wanted to ask her which car, his or hers. He wanted to tell her to call Rory so she could witness their wedding. He wanted to do anything to make her stay…

"Well I don't like Mondays but unfortunately they come around ever now and again." Just like Lorelai to make a crazy analogy in the midst of a heated argument.

"I can't just jump like this," his uncontrollable voice returned, his own words suddenly muffled, as if from a badly tuned radio playing a long suppressed memory.

"I sorry to hear that… I have to go." Her voice lost all its edge and all was left was desperation and hopelessness. How had he turned the ever joyful Lorelai Gilmore into that?

She turned and walked away, the skirt of her teal dress blowing in the breeze as she did so. 'Run after her, idiot,' his mind commanded, 'Go get her. Save her.' But his feet didn't obey; he was stuck like a statue. 'She's going to die…' said the sad voice in his head as she disappears from his sight.

"There is nothing you can do, nothing you could have done…," a person spoke from behind him. He turned quickly on spot. It was Rory, not hopeful thirty-some Rory, but the Rory with long tangled hair and sad eyes that he had discovered many a time crying alone in her empty house the weeks after Lorelai had died.

"You didn't know it was going to happen," she said softly. Her tone was almost robotic as he stared straight at him. "Say goodbye."

"I can't let go yet. Holding on is all I have left…" he tried to explain desperately, finally gaining control of his tongue. The words were oddly familiar as if he had said them before… wait, hadn't he? His and Rory's blue eyes met for an intense moment, and that was all he can see.

"It's all I have…" he repeated. He blinked, just for a moment, and Rory was no longer Rory, but Lorelai standing in front of him in the flesh, funnily enough not in the same clothes as she was in just moments ago. She was in jeans and a t-shirt, much more fitting with her personality.

"Say goodbye, let me go…" she spoke quietly, intensely.

"I can't," Luke pleaded his voice cracking. "Lorelai, please."

"Saying goodbye hurts," she commented, repeating words Luke new he had heard before. "Putting it behinds you is hard, but it has to be done. Here's your chance."

"Please, Lorelai. I miss you, don't go." He reached out to her, but couldn't touch her even though she was well within his arm's length.

The sidewalk seemed to elongate, creating greater and greater distance between them.

"You're going to have to say goodbye…"

"Lorelai…" he called in a desperate attempt.

For the first time since she reappeared she turned her gaze from him, looking as if she was about to cry. When she finally glanced back up at him, there were unshed tears in her eyes. "I'm tired of waiting. You're going to learn to move on," she said, holding back a sob.

"No…"

"Goodbye Luke…" She turned herself and walked down the empty Stars Hollow sidewalk.

"I love you…" He said to quietly to himself. She vanished, fading away as she walked into the distance.

Luke sat up in his bed, breathing roughly. He clutched his chest, his heart was beating like mad.

His eyes adjusted to the dark and he found himself in the room formally know as Rory's room. The dream was still fresh in his head but it was fading fast. Part of him wanted it too, but the other part, a larger part, wanted to cling on to it. He had seen Lorelai again. He hadn't dreamed about her before. All he dreamed about related to her was the misery after her death. She had seemed so real, so vivid, but he was sure it was his mind playing tricks on him.

He rested his head on his hands, discovering the remains of tears on his cheeks. He had been crying in his sleep.

Luke plopped back down onto the pillows knowing he wouldn't get much more sleep tonight…

* * *

**Aki**- Dream sequences are hard to write… R&R! 


	20. Part II: Chapter 7

**Aki- **Sorry for the long absence, but I only have time to write on weekends and two weekends ago I was uninspired and on weekend ago I had _sooooo…_much homework…

Anyway, I know how I wanted to start this chapter, but end half with Luke sort of just flew away with me and I love it. Somethings like that you can't plan.

* * *

**Chapter 7**

_Sunny days seem to hurt the most  
Wear the pain like a heavy coat  
I feel you everywhere I go  
See your smile, I see your face  
I hear you laughing in the rain  
Still can't believe your gone  
_

_It ain't fair you died too young  
Like a story that had just begun  
But death tore the pages all away  
God knows how I miss you  
All the hell that I've been through  
Just knowing, no one could take your place  
Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today _

Would you see the world  
Would you chase your dreams  
Settle down with a family  
I wonder what would you name your babies  
Someday's the sky's so blue  
I feel like I can talk to you  
And I know it might sound crazy  
- Kenny Chesney, "Who'd You Be Today"

Luke absentmindedly flipped the pancakes on the pan with his spatula. His mind was wandering half because he was tired from the lack of sleep from the night previous and half because he had a lot to think on. He was so lost in thought that he hadn't heard the footsteps coming into the kitchen.

"Something smells good," said Rory around a yawn, standing in the kitchen doorway in baggy PJ's. Luke barely kept himself from jumping in surprise. For a second a fleeting memory of Lorelai, wrapping her arms around his stomach from behind him and resting her chin on his shoulder and whispering those same words passed through his mind.

"Yeah, well I woke early and thought you all could do with a proper breakfast. However I was surprised at how little this house is supplied with food. It's almost as bad as when …." He trailed off, they both understood, when Lorelai had lived here.

"Yeah," shrugged Rory, pouring herself a cup of coffee. "We mostly eat at the diner so we don't usually keep a lot of food here that isn't, you know, microwavable."

"That sounds so healthy…" Luke teased.

"I don't tend to cook more than needed. Cooking is the bane of Gilmores, especially the girls, trust me."

"Oh, I do," said Luke with a smile as he piled pancakes onto a plat and set it on the table. He couldn't recall how many cooking catastrophes he had found Lorelai in the past. He recalled the way he would look at her with disdain although he was restraining himself from rolling his eyes. She would just laugh the laugh that melted his heart of stone.

"What's with the food?" asked Jess, entering the kitchen.

"Luke cooked breakfast," answered Rory, looking up at her husband from where she sat at the table, taking a bit of a syrup-soaked pancake.

Jess smiled at her, she looked like she was doing better this morning, pecked her on the cheek, and sat down next to her.

"So, Luke," began Jess, piling the pancakes on his plate, addressing his uncle sitting opposite him. "Did you sleep well?"

"Not really, answered Luke truthfully. "Did you realize how tiny that bed is?"

"Oh, I know. But if you think sleeping on it is hard, try to-"

"Jess!" said Rory sharply, cutting off her husband before he could say what she knew he was going to say.

"Jumping on it," concluded Jess with a smirk.

Rory glared at him.

"What?" asked Jess in mock indignation, "That's what I was going to say along."

"Sure," muttered Rory under her breath.

"Jeez, Jess," swore Luke. "Why did you have to give me such a horrible mental image?"

"We have a son. Where did you think he came from, the stork?" commented Jess.

"I would like to believe so…" Lorelai would have found it all very funny. She would have yelled 'Dirty' and turned it all into a great big joke and make even Rory laugh about it.

"You shouldn't joke about stuff like that," Rory reprimanded her husband. "What if Ethan had heard and started asking questions? He is a little too young to give the birds and the bees talk quite yet, wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes, mom," Jess answered practically in monotone.

Rory whacked him on the arm in almost playful irritation.

"I love you, I think your pretty," tried Jess hopefully.

Rory shook her head in what appeared to be in frustrated resignation, but Luke could tell from the sparkle in her blue eyes that she was no longer and was actually a little amused. The same sparkle she had inherited from her mother…

They continued to eat in silence when they heard the patter of someone running down the stairs and soon after a little boy zoomed into the kitchen with much more energy then anyone should have in the morning.

"Mornin' Mommy. Mornin' Dad. Mornin' Uncle Luke," said Ethan swiftly, already accustomed to the man he had know not even a full twenty-four hours presence.

Jess scooped up the little boy and sat him on his lap, ruffling his already disheveled hair. "Hey kid."

Luke could not help but smile at Ethan's look of irritation as he tried to swat his father's hand away. Luke just noticed that the boy was wearing a much too big Metallica t-shirt which promised to be a hand-me-down from his father. Knowing Jess, he probably considered it a rite-of-passage.

Rory was beaming at the father's and son's early morning antics. Jess was smiling at his son as he playfully tormented him in a tickle fight and the young boy was filled with uncontrollable laughter. It was the perfect family scene, yet it was all wrong.

The smile faded from Luke's face. He knew what was missing. Lorelai should have been their too. She should have been there too, enjoying the company of her grandson and maybe one or two other children, Lorelai's and his children, running around as well. _That_ would have been perfect.

'However,' said a quiet, hopefully voice that had long been missing from his psyche, 'This is pretty close.'

-----

Luke was walking down a Stars Hollow side walk getting reacquainted with the sites of the town, although he had never truly left them behind. No one, surprisingly, disturbed him. He got a few stares and hushed whispers as he passed, but as of yet no one approached him or spoke to him directly. Perhaps they were frightened of him… It was a peace he had never gotten in this town he lived all his life in before.

He hunched his shoulders against the cold autumn breeze, wishing he had brought a heavier jacket. He paused suddenly, a few blokes away he could see the dinner. The place where the all too real and unnerving nightmare had occurred the night before. He looked up at the pale blue sky between drifting low clouds in wonderment, shielding his eyes from the sun with a hand. It shouldn't have been sunny. The leaves on the trees shouldn't have been changing into such bright shades of yellow and red. There shouldn't be people walking down the opposite side of the street chatting nonchalantly. It shouldn't be perfect without Lorelai.

He had felt all this before, many times in fact, but still, it didn't change the fact…

"I wish," he whispered to himself, "That I could see what you would have been doing right now if you were still here…"

He wished, hoped really, that she would have been coming up to him with smile and asking him what he was doing. He would have said 'nothing' and she would have given him a look that said she knew he was lying. 'No really,' she'd ask as they began walking down the street, her arm linked around his. He'd sigh in resignation and give her an honest answer. 'Thinking about you.' She'd give him a piercing look before smiling her full smile, knowing he was telling the truth. 'Me too,' she'd whisper in reply.

A cloud shifted over the sun, putting him in a shadow and breaking his from his daydream. He lowered both his hand and his head hesitantly.

"Luke, what are doing out here? It's freezing?" Luke hadn't even seen Jess approach, but there he was, standing in front of him in a black coats, the tips of his ears red from chill and his breath forming little clouds as he spoke.

Luke opened his mouth to reply, but did not have an answer.

"Heading to the diner?" questioned Jess, filling the silence for his uncle.

He considered a moment. "Sure."

The walked lazily toward the distant building, neither speaking until…

"Thank you," said Jess, out- of- the –blue.

Luke considered his nephew for a moment. Wasn't this the same guy how had yelled at him for leaving just a day ago.

"For what."

"It's hard to say," said Jess, pausing, Luke followed the suit. "Out loud it may sound a bit…"

"Rude," guess Luke. Jess nodded. "Well that's never stopped you from saying stuff before.

"Ha, ha," said Jess, not amused.

"Go on."

Jess sighed. "Thank you for being honest with me ten years ago."

Luke was confused and Jess knew it.

"After- after you lost Lorelai, I saw how it destroyed you. You never tried to hid it, you even told how guilty you felt because you and her had a fight the night of the accident."

Luke nodded sadly at the thought. Subconsciously he noted how the stab in his chest from such a thought was dulled somehow…

"Don't get me wrong, by that time I was out of my stupid teenager phase and appreciated all you had done for me. You knew how to take care of your family and a business and this freakish little town."

Luke barely suppressed his grin at his statement.

"But you never got a handle on the love thing. You hid from it and handled it all wrong, I didn't want that to happen to me... again," added Jess with consideration. "I never would have dared to try and be with Rory again if I hadn't seen you act the way you did."

"So, you didn't want to lose your love and be as sad I was…" summarized Luke.

"No," said Jess, looking his uncle in the eye. "I only _realized_ when I saw how sad you were that you had once been happy, even before you were dating Lorelai and you were just the guy that served her coffee and did not notice you were secretly in love with her. I wanted to be that happy too, or at least try to be. If not forever, if it hadn't worked out with Rory, at least I had it for a little while. That's what makes it worth it."

"It's not worth having if it doesn't hurt to lose," said Luke quietly, more to himself than Jess, not knowing where it came from.

"Exactly," agreed Jess. "Are you coming in?"

They were in front of the diner and Luke hadn't noticed they had walked this far.

"In a minute."

Jess shrugged and left. Luke looked up at the sky and it was cloudier now, the persistent breeze hiding the sky behind a curtain low, light gray clouds.

"It was worth it," he whispered to the heavens, but he was not talking to himself. He stood for a reverent moment, eyes on the sky.

"Wow," commented a passerby to his companion, "It's early for snow.

Luke looked around him, seeing that tiny flurries were beginning to fall he smiled

He knew it was silly but he knew it was her reply saying, 'For me too.'


	21. Part II: Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_No, life aint always beautiful  
Tears will fall sometimes  
Life aint always beautiful  
But it's a beautiful ride _

Life aint always beautiful  
Some days I miss your smile  
I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute  
I could see your pretty face  
Guess I can dream, but life dont work that way

_But the struggles makes me stronger  
And the changes make me wise  
And happiness has it's own way of takin' its sweet time _

No, life aint always beautiful  
But I know I'll be fine  
Hey, life aint always beautiful  
But its a beautiful ride  
What a beautiful ride

- Gary Allen, "Life Ain't Always Beautiful"

It was the best week of his life in many years, maybe ten to be exact. Some part of him, a part of him that had long been broken didn't feel so shattered any more. He was accepted, he was part of something… something he couldn't quite identify.

He had explained it to Jess one afternoon. The overwhelming feeling of acceptance despite all he had done wrong. Jess gave him an incredulous look before answering in an explanatory way, "That's what family is."

He had thought about at the close of the week and felt a bit stupid for missing it. He had been part of a family once, he knew what it was like… but he had forgotten. Luke's family life had fallen away so long ago. First his mom died, then his father, who he had been so close too, combined with his sister running off and only showing up again sporadically throughout his life from the next several years.

Those last few years before Lorelai had died he had gotten a tiny taste of it again. Jess was sent to live with him, Liz moved back into town and got married, he found a lost-lost daughter, he was engaged and was just one in a big messed up extended family-like thing centered in this wacked up little town.

"You know," said Rory, breaking Luke from his thoughts. "If you ever want to come back for real, the diner is always waiting for you."

He glanced up at here from his stool to where she was standing behind the counter, a bit surprised at this declaration.

"It's called _Luke's_ for a reason."

He glanced about the diner. To Caesar in the kitchen, to the cheery, gossiping customers, and then to the bulletin board of photographs Rory had put on the wall. Each picture held a ghost of a moment of a world he belonged to…he _used_ to belong to.

He looked back up at Rory's attentive face, "No, I don't think I will. Plus, this is your life now…"

Rory observed him thoughtfully for a moment before answering with a small grin, "I guess it is…"

"You know Rory, over the last week I have been doing a lot of thinking. About why I left after Lorelai died…"

"Okay…," she said, a bit confused at Luke's confession.

"I- I couldn't face it back then-"

"You couldn't hold on," stated Rory simply.

"What?" asked Luke, his turn to be confused on how Rory found the words to put what happened to him so perfectly.

She sighed, resting her elbows on the counter. "I've thought about it too," she said is a rough whisper. "I've thought about it for years until I finally got it. You couldn't hold on. That's what made it so hard for you. Staying in Stars Hollow was too much to face because life shouldn't have been as it had been before…"

"Exactly," agreed Luke, "I thought something should have changed. She was gone, so something in this world should have changed. But Stars Hollow wasn't changing, it never really does, so I had to be the one to change."

Rory nodded in agreement and added, "For me, I couldn't let go of this world. I needed to hold on because without Mom, so much had changed and I was fighting to find something to grab onto to tell me that everything would be okay, that life would be normal again, and something _hadn't_ changed.

"That's how I felt after my dad passed," Luke muttered.

"Really?"

"Yeah, that why I did all these silly things like living in the apartment that was once an office upstairs, leaving the hardware sign out there, keeping the boat, having my, what do the townies call it, 'My Dark Day.'"

"I always wondered abut that stuff. I guess it makes sense now. It's one of those things you only understand if you've been through it… I wonder which way is better, not being able to hold on or not being able to let ago."

"Neither," replied Luke swiftly, earning him a stranger look from Rory. "I've done both, remember. By themselves neither of them work, because you never move on."

Rory crossed her arms protectively around her chest. "Never?" she asked in quiet despair.

Luke gave the girl a reassuring smile. "I wouldn't worry if I were you, Rory. You've got your life figured out."

Rory raised her eyebrows. "Do I?"

"Yes," said Luke, nodding his head.

"How do you know?" she asked desperately, seeking reassurance.

"Earlier this week I asked you if you were happy. You had Jess and you had Ethan and you told me you were. That's having your life figured out, everything else is just details."

Rory held back a laugh, "That's very philosophical of you, Luke."

"Well, we all have are moments…." He retorted with a playful grin.

"I guess we do."

Luke stood from his stool, "Well, I should go pack my bags. I have to leave tomorrow."

"I wished you'd stay longer," requested Rory.

"You know I can't. I've already been here a week."

"It's too short."

"I know, but I'll be back. I promise," said Luke beginning to edge to the door.

"I'll hold you to that."

"I know."

----------

"Don't goooooo," whined Ethan, having latched himself onto Luke's leg.

"I'll be back," Luke comforted, "For Thanksgiving and then Christmas where I will have t o make up for - years of presents.

This idea seemed to subdue Ethan's worries so he loosened his grip on Luke enough for Jess to scoop him up.

"You're going to spoil him, Uncle Luke," commented Jess with a smile, Ethan squirming in his arms.

"Like you already don't," cut in Rory with a smirk. Jess pretended he hadn't heard her.

Luke through the last of his bags into the bed of this truck and turned to the small family waiting outside with him.

"So, I guess I should get going."

"Take care, alright?" farewelled Jess, clapping him on the shoulder.

"I will."

"And don't go running off somewhere else just because you gave us your phone number."

"I –um- won't."

"Or come back here just to break your car out of the shed…"

"What?!" asked Luke, perplexed.

"Oh, wait," said Jess with mock contemplative expression, "That's _my_ life."

"Bye Jess," said Luke, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. "Bye Ethan." The little boy pouted in his father's arms. Luke ruffled his hair with one hand, earning his a glare in return.

"Rory?" Luke asked. She had been standing in the background of his little farewell.

She walked around her husband and son and gave Luke a hug. "Don't be a stranger," she whispered.

"I won't be," he promised. He stepped back and opened his car door.

"Luke?" she asked tentatively.

"Yes," he said, turning back towards her.

She took a step forward. "No one promised that life was going to be good, that it is going to be happy, and that it is going to fair. But in the end, none of that matters." She glanced back over her shoulder at Jess and Ethan. "Because it is how you deal with the bad things and how you live your life despite its short comings which makes living a beautiful thing."

Luke smiled, "That's very philosophical of you."

She shrugged. "We all have our moments." Luke nodded and got n this truck and pulled out of the driveway. Before he left the street, he looked back at the small family standing on the lawn, Ethan waving wildly, before driving away.

He was headed out of Stars Hollow, but this time, it wasn't a bitter, sad leaving. He knew he would be back and he would be coming home happily because he would be coming back to family.

His hands tense on the steering wheel as he approached the graveyard.

He tried to ignore it, but it was impossible to disregard nagging feelings of guilt in his gut. With a sigh, he pulled over.

A moment later he was staring down at Lorelai's gravestone.

"I don't know if you can hear me here more than anywhere else… or if you can hear me at all. I'm leaving again, not for ten years like last time, but still… I thought I should say goodbye to you too."

He paused and looked up at the clear blue sky. The flurries that had came pouring down several days prior had long ago vanished and Connecticut was covered in a late autumn warm front.

"Last time I was here, I said I had to hold on. That's true. But it is not necessarily a bad thing. I know you'd want me to be happy, but I am never going to let go of you. You were my everything. Knowing that we had it, just for year or two, is enough.

"I can move on from the grief, from the bitterness, from blaming myself. It took me ten years to do it, but I have. But I won't ever move on from loving you."

He got back in his car and drove to the end of town with a bit of regret. He had missed ten precious years he was never going to get them back. This week he had found his family, he had found his life, and he had found his hope. Most importantly he figured it out moving on ain't so easy, especially when you lose the most important person in your life. But life wasn't supposed to be easy, and he was okay with that now.

_I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons  
Finally content with a past I regret  
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness  
For once I'm at peace with myself  
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long  
I'm movin' on _

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces  
Each one is different but they're always the same  
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it  
They'll never allow me to change  
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong  
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on  
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me  
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone  
There comes a time in everyone's life  
When all you can see are the years passing by  
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't  
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town  
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't  
I had to lose everything to find out  
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road  
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on  
I'm movin' on

- Rascall Flatts, "Moving On"

_**The End**_

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**Aki- **As I wrote last chapter I didn't realize that this would be the last one. Only as I sat down to write did I think 'what's left to cover?' and realize that the ending was all that was left. When I write fanfics and other long stories I always think of different events I want to occur and then fill in the spaces. I covered everything I wanted to cover with this fic.

Also, during the first half of this story, many of the readers wanted some Rory- Luke interaction so they could help each other deal with Lorelai's death and find closure. I hope the se3cond half of this story (and this chapter) fulfilled that.

I also want to thank all the readers that made it to the end and all the reviewers especially. Thanx for your support and your dedication and your feedback.

Pleez check out the C2 I am the manager of, it's for oneshots. If you have any suggestions of great oneshots, pleez put it in an email or in a review.

Now this is the last chapter of the story, you have to review for this one guys.


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